DreãMs

What happen...

2010-04-06T00:07:00.001+08:00

... to the "I love you"?
... to the "I smile like a silly goon when I think of you"?
... to the "surrounded by a happiness bubble, feeling warm and fuzzy inside"?
... to the "wanna protect and shelter you from all the troubles and pain"?
... to the "I like laughing with you"?
... to the "I like spending time with you, everything is more fun with you are around"?
... to the "I smell your pillow when you're not around"?
... to the "you make me happy"?

Wonder if you think about what happened to all these?

When I'm upset, I think about how a hug from you lighten up everything.
I think about how a simple evening with you warms my heart.
I think about us cooking dinner together, watching a movie on the couch with your arms around me.
I think about how we have fun, tickling, goofing around and laughing together.
I think about how we enjoy quiet moments together just sitting there after all the laughter.
I think about going to bed with your arms around me.
I think about how you reach for my hand and linked your fingers with mine in your sleep.

I wish someone can help me. Those emotions in me is causing so much heartache that I feel the physical pain. Paralysed by the pain in my heart. Can't move. Can't breathe.

If we stayed together till you fly off, there will be no fights, no unhappiness, no tears... only the good memories for us to last a long long while... Why make us go through all these? I don't understand.

You were the one who made things serious, you know? The last time you left me, I was going to recover after 2 months of crying every single day because I know I was not that important to you. I don't dare to hope that you'll think of me, miss me the way I missed you. I thought you'll be gone from my life forever.

And then you came back. You told me that you loved me. You said you would like to meet my family even though I keep emphasizing that meeting them means things are serious. You asked me to travel halfway across the globe to meet your family. You told me, on your own terms that you chose your next destination because you would like that I will be able to visit if possible. You said it yourself that you would like to try and make things between us work out. Everything was on your terms... I never ever force anything on you. I don't even dare to talk about it. Good things like these never happen to me, so I don't dream anymore. And then, you crushed me.

You asked, what the difference with breaking my heart now, and when you're gone for good? The difference is not whether you're here in Singapore or you're gone. The difference is nobody can predict the future. If we had tried hard enough but we failed, I can accept it. But now, you're giving up on us because you've craved the future in stone and tell yourself that this relationship won't work without even trying. And this upsets me. Breaks my heart. You promised things will get better, but it didn't. Do you care enough to feel my pain?

I want you. That's all I want. The rest doesn't matter. :"(

I hate...

2009-05-30T19:40:00.000+08:00

...crying myself to sleep.

...waking up with tears flowing.

...not being able to sleep.

...fighting the urge to call him. I so wanna hear his voice.

...feeling the disappointment when I did not hear from him. But what do I expect right?

...losing appetite and not eating.

...feeling miserable.

...being unable to cheer myself up.

...being caught in a situation like this.

Why can't we return to the beginning, where we were just friends - hanging out in a group, the nice long conversations, the shy smiles, simple jokes and goofing ard...
I want to know he's happier than before.

Gone.

2009-05-29T06:50:00.001+08:00

And so I'm right, girlie and dreamy stuff dun happen to me...

He's gone, frm my life. Just like tat.

Makes me wonder, why did we start? I guess I'm dumb.

Do you know...

2009-03-19T19:02:00.002+08:00

... that I was talking about you in my previous post?

... that I'm happy now to be spending Christmas, V-Day and my birthday with you as my partner now?

... that I still feel my heart skip whenever I see you?

... that a hug from you makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside?

... that I like to peep and observe you when you're not noticing?

... that I can talk to you freely about my problems, something that I'm not always comfortable doing?

... that I grin to myself some times when I think about you when I'm overseas?

I'm happy to have known you.

Resigned to fate...

2008-11-25T04:15:00.002+08:00

I've not been vocal here for a very very long time. Issues are all pent out inside me... I've beginning to feel the stress.

Generally this is a place for me to yell out my thoughts and basically my unhappiness or rather issues in my life... But becoz I've been quite ok for a long long time, I din wanna blog. Afterall, I'm happy, nothing much happening in my life that's been affecting me a great deal, so I stopped for a long long time...

But today, something made me wanna seek solace here again... And I'm hoping that being able to pen it out, I'll be able to find a release for the pent up emotions (and rage) which I can find only in writing. I understand that I have frens ard me, pple who cared, and I really appreciated everyone of them who gave me advice, but I realised I'm juz someone very solo... I can tell them my problems and received advice, but my puny little brain will still be so stressed out, coz I'm very very stubborn.

On most days, the stress dun even show on my face when we hang out, coz I seriously hate to trouble others with my problems... and there's other days where I juz wanna hide at home and sleep my troubles away... Hoping that when I'm sleeping, the stress bugs dun get to me...

Anyone out there who understands what I'm talking abt?

Anyway, back to why I wanna blog tonite. I'm feeling disappointed with myself for my indecisiveness. I want things to change, but I dun have the guts to tell him so. I think he's not the one for me. And he's not exactly honest all the time. I found out the hard way. But earlier on, I did tell myself that I can try to forgive and forget and try things out, but recently, I realised that, that is NOT me. I juz cannot really accept it.

Worse thing is, it affected all my other friendships. I hurt pple ard me who's concerned abt me. Friends who thinks that I'm "destroying" myself again.

A friend asked me today, "Do you love him?". I answered, "Do I know what is love?".

I feel sad when I replied, but somehow I know it's true. Do I know wat's love? I doubt so... I've experienced plenty of heartbreaks, but is it becoz I love those guys, or becoz I was in a r/s with them? Recently I ponder but I'm never sure of the answer myself...

I've become someone who cannot get into a normal r/s anymore all becoz I dunno what I'm looking for in a partner. I need time to myself, be alone for a while. To take time to reflect and learn abt myself, before I can go learn abt and understand someone else.

Flying has taught me a lot of things and gave me an opportunity to see the world and at the same time, run away from the world. When things happen and I dunno what to do, I juz let my mind go blank and I fly off to yet another country. Sometimes to think in the hotel room, but most times, get my gears and walk the streets of a foreign place. A pretty good way to get away from everything, running away...

It suits me well, coz now I can be alone and dun feel lonely anymore. I never was able to be that way. I used to feel lonely all the time even when I'm surrounded by friends. Now I can say, I've learned to be truely independent.

Which is also why I really would like to be left alone now, but I dunno how to voice it out to him, coz too many things happened. And I'm still unable to say NO.

Now that this issue affect a chance for me to know another person better, I feel really upset. There's this really aching feeling inside me when I felt the subtle rejection when I decided to tell the truth, coz the conversation came on and with questions and answers, I have to be honest. Afterall, I'm a strong believer of "omitting the truth equals to lying". So now the chance to know another person better is gone. I'm upset, upset enough to shed a few tears but yet tell myself to move on, coz I know once again that I dun fit in.

To be frank, I was contented to be juz friends. To have juz a chance to see a friend, hang out together in a group. The nice long conversations, the shy smiles, simple jokes and goofing ard... I enjoyed the feeling of my heart skipping a few beats when he smiles at me... But I guess normal girlie and dreamy stuff like that dun happen to a girl like me anymore. Tonight, everything started out wonderful, and ended with me feeling that life really sucks for me BIG TIME, but as always I'm resigned to the fact of it all...

Cheated again...

2008-09-23T23:00:00.000+08:00

what happen when you feel cheated over and over again by different pple?

Today I received a yet another shocking phonecall. Gosh~ god knows how many times in my life I've gotten phonecalls like this... why does it always have to be me?! I'm really feeling quite numb with all these dramas in my life. What my fren said is right. I can probably write a whole book on my life and it'll be filled with stories that only happen in serial dramas.

Not a movie~! A WHOLE FREAKING SERIAL DRAMA!! coz there's juz too many stories to be told...

I wonder if it's becoz I'm naive or becoz I've chose to live my life dangerously.

What my name means --> TRICIA

2008-04-21T15:44:00.003+08:00

What Tricia Means

You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life.

You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home.

You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.

You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.

You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.

You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.

You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily.

You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind.

A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.

You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.

You have the classic "Type A" personality.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

This is surprising accurate, and I seriously wonder whether it's positive or negative... hmmmm... *ponders*

he'll knw who he is...

2007-08-20T23:59:00.000+08:00

perhaps it's best that he dun apppear at all EVER in my life again~ As time passed by, I thot it'll eventually heal my wounds, but with him, I juz realised I really just hate him more... for being irresponsible, for being selfish... for hurting me in that worst possible way~

I know it's a little tad bit extreme, but I juz had to do the childish thing of deleting his everything from my life... his number, his email, his address, his pictures, his friendster, his testimonials for me, throwing away everything tat have even the slightest link or memory of him...

me and him - no longer lovers, not frens, not even acquaintance... To me, it's just a period of wasted time, terrible mistake and a hell lot of grief!

those whom take me as a fren, pls dun even mention his name to me. It'll only create this gloom ard me that I'll take forever to shake off... If I have to hate him to feel better, I will juz have to hate him...

SO go away and STAY AWAY... thank you...

slowly recovering...

2007-08-07T00:44:00.000+08:00

The Bottom Line
Things are settling into place -- this is not a good day to move or stir things up.

In Detail
There is a stillness in the air, and things are finally settling into place in your personal life. Therefore, this is not a good day to move around and stir things up again. Let sleeping dogs lie, don't revisit sensitive issues, and just enjoy where you are in life right now. You'll be getting introspective about yourself, which is a good thing -- it will help you see things in the right perspective and realize how much you've grown in a relatively short period of time.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Today's Friendster horoscope is interesting... I haven't been reading up on the horoscope section for the longest time, but today when I finally clicked on the link and read after such a long time, it juz feel so right and feel so true...

In a good way I mean, I'm glad to say life is definitely better now. I feel more at peace with myself, less angry with life and myself with the choice I've made and generally juz more happy and have more fun... haven't felt so carefree for the longest time~

slowly picking up the bits and pieces and being whole again... frens ard me helped a lot as well. My mood and feelings are gettin better finally. I can't be as jovial as before, but at least, I can feel myself slowly recovering...

Am I really charming?

2007-07-22T14:59:00.000+08:00

Guys Like That You're Charming

You're the girl most guys can't get out of their heads.
Even if they met you on a bad hair day. :)
You just seem to "click" with everyone you meet.
So even if a guy forgets about you for a second...
his friends haven't!

What Do Guys Like About You?

My Celebrity Look-alikes

2007-07-19T22:28:00.000+08:00

Sammi Cheng appears for 3 of my photos!!! *griNz*

Hello Kitty & Doraemon!

2007-07-13T21:00:00.000+08:00

Doraemon and Hello Kitty were out on the streets one day. When Doraemon saw Hello Kitty, he waved and greeted her, "Hello Kitty!"

Hello Kitty, however, didn't greet him in return. Why didn't she?

(She didn't have a mouth.)

Now, she was feeling pretty bad about appearing rude, so she stitched a mouth on herself and went off to look for for Doraemon. When she saw him, she greeted him enthusiastically.

Doraemon, however, ignored her. Why didn't he acknowledge her greeting?

(He couldn't hear her - he didn't have ears!)

I know this is very silly, but I burst out laughing after reading this... I find it so so funny. LOL~!!!

What confines me? NOTHING~

2007-07-11T13:59:00.000+08:00

You are confined by Nothing. Good for you. You are comfortable with yourself and the way you are seen. I'm glad there are people like you in the world.

Quiz: What Confines You? by Quizilla

starLett's Johari/Nohari Windows

2007-07-01T15:45:00.000+08:00

Go try this out~ BUT pls dun use anonymous and annoy me k! Leave a nickname at least...

For my good traits:
http://kevan.org/johari?name=starLett

For my bad traits:
http://kevan.org/nohari?name=starLett

OH GOSH~, where's the tagboard?

2007-06-28T21:30:00.000+08:00

Tagboard temporarily down, coz sillyC and I wanna see who will take the "extra" effort to spam through blog entries comments... small experiment nia~

and so, the most active and quite friendly pple on my tagboard listed below: -
1) starLett (which is of coz myself)
2) sillyC (my best gf)
3) nobody (someone I realised is from WLNY)
4) bEcKs (someone always there, also visit WLNY)
5) channelle (a babe!)
6) lord (someone who finds my tagboard amusing and entertaining - which I totally agree with)
7) Tyler (who is very interested in cars~ drove a Toyota Starlet. single ‘T’ k, not like my nick~ )
8) Shingz (a few posts here and there, sounds like a philosopher)

and the not-so-friendly, childish, no-life pple whom follow my blog even though they dun seem to like me~ (I've got no idea, maybe they secretly wished they're me?! now that'll seriously be amusing~)
9) anonymous aka bloop (someone who said DW is one of the best lovers ard. I wonder how many did you tried to determine the best? I gave you the nick "bloop" since there are so many anonymous, plus I think the word sounds funny… LoL!)
10) anny (who seconded bloop's comment. So I also wonder how she knows?)
11) passerby (who followed my blog since 2 years ago, very aggressive individual. Maybe he/she is very suppressed in real life, so tat's why seem a little unstable 不平衡)
三位不知所谓，无聊的小人!

And know wat, since this is my blog, so I can choose to delete their posts... lalalala~ *griNz*

oh ya~ another thing, DW sms-ed me and asked me not to write abt/discuss abt him in my blog wor~ and I told him, "I didn't, your lovers did..." happy? LOL!

Anyway, he thinks all these are childish~ my sentiments exactly...

My god-bro - Desmond

2007-06-25T14:48:00.000+08:00

Bro, I know I've failed you, in a way... I'm sorry...

I do value our friendship a lot in my heart, but as you know, I run away from stuff a lot. I had some problems and I find it difficult to share with you then. Time dragged on and I feel even more guilty for "ignoring" you... Especially when you din do anything wrong to deserve it... Sorry!

When I finally had the courage to "face" you again, I finally replied your msg, but in a way, I'm still afraid to pick up your calls, coz I'm worried you'll scold me? I'm juz not good at handling tat... But I'm really happy to receive your sms after that. Happy to know that you still care, even though I'm being a jerk...

I'm glad to know you as a friend and I really missed the camaraderie that we once shared. And sincerely, I hoped that we still have tat even after what I've done... you know, ignoring you for no reason?

Bro, forgive me alright?

*not a very flattering pic* BUT really happy times...

Since you're so interested~

2007-06-09T13:49:00.000+08:00

I shall give all my ex-bfs (whom matters to me) initials, so tat I know who all the anonymous pple are talking abt in my tagboard

EL - Spent last 2 yrs with EL, I went to Batam, Taiwan, Japan with him. We've a happy and comfortable life together. I thot we'll get married, have a nice house, have a few kids and live happily ever after. BUT it din work out. Maybe becoz I can never forgive and forget wat happened last Jan. Seems like a lifetime ago, but it'll forever be a scar.

DW - The one in my latest entry "Dedicated to you". We spent a short time together before, and I would like him to be happy now, in watever he does. It was like a storm then, intriguing, fast and dangerous, swept me off my feet, had a few tumbles and miraculously I survived, though there was a few bruises but I had no regrets.

YM - A guy who, from the bottom of my heart, changed my perspective of life. Held my hand when I was growin up and gave me lots of happiness as well as heartaches. I heard that he is happily married now. I hope they're happy as well! ;)

iaN - my best guy friend now, who will always be there for me. Will always help to drag me out of watever misery I am inflicting on myself. We knew each other since I was 15yr old, tat makes it a 10yr-old friendship.

And of coz, in between of all of them, there are quite a number of guys whom I've spent time with, either in the phase of trying to get to knw each other, or got together for a short time. Those who formed part of my memories for the last quarter of a century that I've spent my life, making me who I am today.

I also hope they're all happy. TO me, we all parted as friends, and so most of us are still friends till today, no matter watever happened in the past. Friends who still matters but in a very different way now.

So now, pls quote initials so I bloodly hell know who you're referring to... plus so many kaypo anonymous pple ard in my tagboard, leave a nick for goodness sake! -_-"

Dedicated to YOU

2007-06-03T01:35:00.000+08:00

I believe if you read this, you will know who you are...

I decided to meet you becoz when I heard that you're going away, I feel sad and shocked and I din wanna regret not seeing you before you leave the country for a long long time... But come to think of it, it shouldn't be much difference since we haven't seen each other for close to 2 yrs right?

But NO, it's different, at least to me... I dunno how you think though. I cannot figure why you wanted to meet me after so long, and I will never ask you. So I will always wonder because I will never have a definite answer...

You've left such a deep impression in my life that I dun think I will ever forget you. Meeting up after so long did not seem like a good idea at first, after all that we're been though but the feeling when I first saw you standing in front of me in person, the joy and pleasure was really overwhelming... Honestly, it's not the feeling that I expected. I guessed you've always been in my heart...

When you sent me home, I was thinking, will I see you again? Not tat smart, am I? I never learn...

Those times when we chatted on MSN, I've always wonder how have you been? I had a lot of questions that I wanted to ask, but as always, I won't ask, I would rather you tell me if you want to... I always wonder whether we'll see each other ever again. As I told you, I never thot we'll ever meet again...

As always, since those good old days, I've always hope you've been happy and will always be happy... I will continue to miss you, in my own way! :)

African Violets

2007-06-02T13:09:00.000+08:00

African violets, also known as Saintpaulias, are among the most well-known house plants in the world. Plants are attractive and grow in a variety of sizes and shapes, from miniature of a few inches high to trailing forms that drape from pots. The flowers of African violets are most appealing. Colours range from single shades of white, red, pink, blue, deep purple and wine to striking combinations. Foliage is lush and multi-shaped in various shades of green. African violets grow well in the temperate region but they also thrive well in the tropics provided the five basic needs, (ie. steady warmth, careful watering, good lighting, high air humidity and regular feeding) are taken care of. There should be no difficulty in producing several flushes of flowers each year.

Source: http://www.gardentech.com.sg/article_african_violets.asp

My new plant! *pic sucks coz taken with my lousy phone*

Rick juz gave me a pot of purple African Violet~ or rather we went to shop for it together because I wanted to buy a pot of SOMETHING to put in my office... Like a new toy!! I've bought beans as well as flowers (for myself) to brighten my personal space in office, but I realised they died off quite fast, say ard a week...

I hope a pot of plant should last a little longer if I take care of it! Hope I have green fingers and dun kill my plant ba~ LoL! So excited!! *griNz*

Dancing... with me on HIS feet!

2007-05-14T23:31:00.000+08:00

It's the first time I dance on somebody's feet... haha~ granted it's feels silly, with me stepping on his feet, swaying to the music... sweet and good kinda silly~ haha! *grinZ*

Chocolates

2007-05-07T16:32:00.000+08:00

Chocolates now have a totally new meaning to me... ;)

Today, one of my frens, being a Mr NICE GUY, delivered chocolates to me at my office personally... just to cheer me up... awww~ how nice is that?!? *griNz*

Rick: Din know you're so full of surprises~! ;)

It's a girl thing... it makes me happy and touched... :)

Sign of my True Love: CANCER

2007-05-06T23:34:00.000+08:00

Your True Love Is a Cancer

Why you'll love a Cancer:

Cancer's loyal and sincere heart makes your own sensitive heart melt.
Caring and devoted, a Cancer will take the lead in pursuing you - and not give up!

Why a Cancer will love you:

You're laid back enough to deal with Cancer's little mood swings and freak-outs.
A fellow homebody, you know how make Cancer comfortable and at home with you.

What Sign Is Your True Love?

hmmmm... true but also not so true... I always fall in love with a Cancer, and then we'll be very happy together, have lots of happy memories and then it will end. -_-"

e y e w a t e r by alley bell

2007-05-06T20:28:00.000+08:00

Where do tears come from
right before they leave your eyes?
Do they come from the heart?
or a secret place in the mind?

I've noticed your tears are clear
Oh so pure, but salty like sweat.
Clean like water, but burns like poison.

I've noticed tears are full of emotion.
a mixture of joy or of sadness
a mixture of hate or of madness

Did you ever notice that tears are hot?
like boiling water from a bubbling pot.
Or like a stream flowing downwards
right from the mountain top?

I've noticed tears are like waterfalls
Each makes a splash...
One falls into with no sound
One falls with a crash.

Have you ever noticed?
Tears have meaning?
From suicide notes
to mothers holding their new born babies...

Source: http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/e-y-e-w-a-t-e-r/

Post Abortion Grief - The Emotional Effects

2007-05-03T22:37:00.000+08:00

In the weeks and months after the abortion, feelings of sadness and guilt often threaten to overwhelm the post-abortion woman, yet society offers her no assistance in mourningÑshe is expected to be grateful that "her problem is solved" and to "get on with her life" as though nothing significant had happened.

At the same time, pain and bleeding remind her of the assault on her body, the sudden endocrine changes cause her to become emotionally labile or unstable. She is poignantly aware of the date her child would have been born. Reminders threaten her defensive denial and repression all too frequently: anniversaries of her abortion, other children of the age her child would have been, Mother's Day, the omni-present abortion debate in the media, a visit to the gynecologist, the sound of the suction machine at the dentist's office, or the sound of a vacuum cleaner at home, a baby in a television ad, a new pregnancy, a death in the family, a film depicting prenatal development or abortion, or a pro-life homily. Any of these may trigger a sudden flood of grief, guilt, anger and even despair, which in turn, calls forth even more intense defensive responses.

The post-abortion woman's attempts to comply with society's expectations that she proceed with her life as though she had undergone an innocuous procedure are bought at great personal expense. She may turn to alcohol or drugs to get to sleep at night or to deaden the pain of the intrusive thoughts, which haunt her day and night, "I killed my baby! I killed my baby! I don't deserve to live!" Flashbacks to the abortion procedure may occur at any time.

She may throw herself into intense activityÑwork, study, or recreation, or attempt to deal with her feelings of loneliness and emptiness by binge eating alternating with purging or anorexia, or by intense efforts to repair intimate relationships or develop new ones inappropriately, becoming sexually promiscuous, risking sexually transmitted diseases, and repeating pregnancy and abortion. Complaints of vague abdominal pain or pain on sexual intercourse may cause her to seek medical treatment from one physician after another unsuccessfully, and the very examinations to which she is subjected may cause flashbacks to the abortion experience.

Her life spirals downward as her general health, personal relationships and job performance become more and more impaired. Discouragement, despair, clinical depression and suicide attempts often follow.3 Typically, in presenting symptoms over a period of many years, she is treated by numerous physicians and mental health professionals without ever receiving help for the root cause of her problems, her abortion or abortions. Psychiatric textbooks subsume all of the above symptoms under the diagnosis of a Pathological Grief Reaction.

Source: http://www.prolife.sg/pregnancy/articles/Post.htm

Fragments

2007-04-30T18:29:00.000+08:00

30th April 2007 (Monday)

10:49am
I look no different from any other day, like the same old me, like the same old cheerful Tricia... but I'm broken into a millions pieces inside... so broken that I dun think anything can fix me up...

Haha... suddenly I thought of Humptey Dumptey

11:37am
I wanna ask him to come back to me, want everything to remain the same. I want him to hear him say he still wants me back... But I'm didn't ask, I wanted it to his decision. But I know it's not... tat's why I'm so broken now...

I remembered hearing my heart shattered, my ears buzzing, my mind becoming a total blank, my whole body going numb... with despair... when I heard him confirm it.

I wanted to scream and kick... to hurt and to blame him... but I know it won't help.

1:50pm
I din wanna think of him, but naturally I did, at lunch time, like every other normal day... I think of whether he'll take his lunch late again. And I want to remind him I'm ard somewhere, thinking of him...

And so I msg him, guilty of my own agenda. I want him to think of me if he's not... I forced him to... OMG! Eddie, I miss you so much... :'(

4:34pm
I cannot concentrate on my work. I checked my hp for msgs at every little sound... I thot I heard it beeped, I really did, but it din... He din msg me afterall...

6:29pm
It's all juz so hard... I mean, I love you, and you said you love me... then why din it equate to HAPPILY EVER AFTER?!?!

Simple quotes that touched my heart..

2007-04-29T22:33:00.000+08:00

Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye.
-- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

"If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were."

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage."
-- Lao-Tzu

To the soul, there is hardly anything more healing than friendship.
-- Thomas Moore

Boring Life

2007-04-08T23:01:00.000+08:00

Was reading through my past posts on my blog and realised time flies... these days I'm too busy with work to update my blog. Or rather, nothing much has happen since I started working. Everyday became a routine. Even weekends become a routine. Nothing exciting happened. Life with EL is also becoming increasingly boring... There's really nothing much to do in Singapore. Or maybe I'm just too lazy to do anything. I'm becoming a LONER~ HELP!!!

Sometimes I wonder, if I disappear from the world, will any of my friends actually realised that I'm missing?

Anyway, I'm looking forward to something happening this coming week... A primary school friend is coming to Singapore for a visit! And because of her, we're organsing a BBQ gathering at Sentosa. Finally something different from all the other (BORING) weeks...

2yrs already?!?!

2006-10-03T19:12:00.000+08:00

I can't imagine 2 years passed by so quickly!! Looking back at my archives, I JUST realised my blog is 2-yrs old!~!~!

Our 1st Meet-up

2006-09-26T14:03:00.000+08:00

There are moments where I'll think back of how we got to know each other and the sweet memories will bring a silly grin to my face... that moment came juz now and tat brought abt this post...

I still cannot believe that God is so kind to me. I still remember when I first got to know Eddie, I juz got discharged from hospital the day before. Was feeling all depressed and blue, trying to get a grip on life, learn from mistakes and pick myself up... That happened more than a year ago, 17 June 2005. It was a Friday.

I was supposed to meet up with my god-bro, Desmond in Orchard, partly to cheer me up - for a meal of my favorite - Japanese food buffet. We arrange to meet in Wheelock Place.

Then this guy, whom I got to know from WhoLivesNearYou.com the previous nite after I got discharge from AH, called me while I was in a frenzy rush to get ready coz I woke up late for my appt with Desmond. He offered to send me to Orchard and he can be downstairs in 15min.

Never being afraid of meeting net friends, I paused for one second, and said, "OK, see you downstairs in a while." Goodness~ others might say, never met him before and 1st time you meet up, you hop into his car... tsk tsk, beware of strangers!

But I was not afraid, I was never afraid of making new friends and meeting strangers. I was thinking more of the free ride to Orchard, so I won't be late for my appointment. And so, 15min later he called, I met him downstairs. That was the 1st time I met EDDIE (my precious darling now)... :)

There was the awkward moment when he saw me, I imagined him to feel disappointed. After all, on the net, all my photos are carefully chosen from a pile of perhaps a hundred others, plus all the photo editing skills I learnt from my poly education during my multimedia software engineering days proved to be very useful. But that day, my hair was still wet from shower, with flyaway hair all over my face, no makeup, super pale from all the medicine and lack of sleep.

But I dun care! I juz smile and start talking – non-stop. Just so that there won’t be awkward silence during the car ride. LoL! He muz have thot how can I be so noisy.

Both of us remembered this stupid question I asked him in the car, “Are you a good guy, or juz a plain stupid guy?” Because he was not “on the way” to Orchard, so gave me a ride. He purposely skipped work, came to my house, juz to send me to Orchard. That’s pretty dumb right? Afterall, he dun even knows me then… He din answer my question directly, he grinned and change the topic.

When we reached Wheelock Place, he juz dropped me and said he'll call me again. I din think he'll call again, I thought I've scare him with all my non-stop chatter and embarrassing question. I did keep thinking of him when I met up with Desmond. Afterall, he's really nice to send me all the way to town from Jurong without expecting anything. Haha!

And so, my first impression of him, NICE GUY... a little shy and quiet, with a sense of humor, smartly dressed with good color coordination, weird specs though (till now, he insist his that pair of weird specs is nice)...

Whenever I think of this incident, I never fail to grin like a silly girl... From then on, my life changed - for the better.

Cross-stitching - Part One

2006-07-17T11:58:00.000+08:00

Since I'm very very bored at work now, I shall blog a little.

Anyway, that's not the main topic abt my this blog entry. The main topic is my new HOBBY!! I picked up cross-stitching!!! It's been more than 6 weeks now, and I'm not bored of it YET~ so YES~! I think this hobby is going to stay... I did a few "projects" which are ALL still kinda faulty, coz I haven't really get the hang of it. BUT I swear that I will stitch until I do ONE PREFECT one with absolutely no flaws and no mistakes at all~ Let's start with the first one...

It was nearly our 10th month anniversary together at that time (which was in early June). So I'm kinda looking for a gift to buy for Eddie. After walking around the whole of Jurong Point with absolutely no idea what to get for Eddie at all, I thot of my TPB fren, Violet. She's the kind of girl who will make something for her bf during special occasions and so I thot, why not I make something too...

I walked into the knitting shop in Jurong Point to see what the shop all about. Afterall, the shop have been there for so long and I've yet to walk in before. And to see whether I can pick up some materials if I wanna make something for Eddie. Then I saw the cross-stitch kits on display. And so, I picked one - Precious Moment tissue pack cross-stitch kit.

It's quite tough to do that one~ Being a beginner and having no prior experience at all to cross-stitching. I was very excited when I open the pack, but was kinda demoralised when I see what was inside. The shop assistant told me there will be "instructions" inside and it's quite easy to do. But what I saw was a piece of white cloth, a needle, a piece of paper telling me various kinda stitches, the threads and a chart.

It's the first time I see a cross-stitch chart. Needless to say, I dun know how read the chart. The instructions which I expected to see, aren't really instructions since I dunno how to interpret it. Haha~ It's really quite bad... Afterall, I was having quite high expectations of the instructions to guide me. I din know how many strands of threads I'm supposed to use. Basically, I din know how to begin!! LoL~!

After struggling for the first few days, stitching diligently every day after work, I managed to get the design out even though it looks very awful~ Because of the fact that I din know that the top stitches have to be in the same direction, my whole design look kinda crap~ BUT Eddie told me, it looks fine~ hahahaa.... so nvm la, I still go on to complete the whole "project". After abt 10 days, I managed to finish it but becoz I dun have enough thread of the same color to complete the fringe, I used a different color.

So conclusion, first project failed miserably even though I completed it... I will upload the pic of the finished product, WHEN I got the time~ ;P

Five-Factor Personality Test

2006-06-30T12:10:00.000+08:00

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion:

You have high extroversion. You are outgoing and engaging, with both strangers and friends. You truly enjoy being with people and bring energy into any situation. Enthusiastic and fun, you're the first to say "let's go!"

Conscientiousness:

You have medium conscientiousness. You're generally good at balancing work and play. When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done. But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it.

Agreeableness:

You have high agreeableness. You are easy to get along with, and you value harmony highly. Helpful and generous, you are willing to compromise with almost anyone. You give people the benefit of the doubt and don't mind giving someone a second chance.

Neuroticism:

You have high neuroticism. It's easy for you to feel shaken, worried, or depressed. You often worry, and your worries prevent you from living life fully. You tend to be emotionally reactive and moody. Your either flying very high or feeling very low.

Openness to experience:

Your openness to new experiences is medium. You are generally broad minded when it come to new things. But if something crosses a moral line, there's no way you'll approve of it. You are suspicious of anything too wacky, though you do still consider creativity a virtue.

The Five Factor Personality Test

I think it's pretty accurate...

petty me...

2006-06-27T22:08:00.000+08:00

Today I realised, in my relationship, how petty I am. And I'm ashamed of myself. Just recently, I was telling my girlfriends about some issues which I'm unhappy abt in my relationship and today I realised I am actually very petty. And I really feel love - from Eddie.

Some time ago, after my Taiwan trip, I was feeling really down coz everything seems to be going wrong for me. Most importantly, I feel lost and doubtful in everything I do, including my relationship.

But Eddie always make me feel blessed. Before he went for reservist last Sat, he told me that he's going to fix something new to his car and will leave the car in the garage for 2 weeks. I put on a really grumpy face, coz I wasn't happy that he's spending so much money, plus I actually have hopes that he'll lend me his car when he goes for reservist. And I told him so straight, coz I was really disappointed.

And so on Sunday evening, he told me he's not fixing the bodykit anymore and I can use the car when he's away. He din exactly tell me the reason, but I know it's becoz he took my feelings into consideration.

BUT something terrible happen today, coz I was juz not concentrating when I was driving. My whole mind was thinking abt the interview which I juz had. And I ruin his rims. Expensive ones which he JUST changed. Worst thing is, I even promised him that I will be extra careful with his car. That moment, I feel that the trust he has in me is misplaced. I felt so guilty.

The moment I hear the sound, I knew I'll be in deep trouble. Afterall, I always have the thinking that recently, his car is more important than me. I keep thinking whether I shld tell him since he's in reservist. I dun want him to lose sleep over this in camp since he'll keep thinking abt it. At the same time, I dun want to be lying to him at all. But he caught something in my voice just now, and I knew I had to tell him. I braced myself for a scolding, at least some form of it.

But Eddie just said, "It's OK, dun worry abt it. You din mean to." And all of a sudden, I feel so guilty for even thinking of him in a bad way. He put in so much effort in maintaining his car!! And he din even blame me at all. I feel so terrible. If he's angry, he's keeping it in him, coz I dun feel it. Just to make me feel better, he din even scold me.

And for me, I feel upset sometimes even with the smallest hiccups... Now, I know how petty I am.

Now I just hope that when he sees his car, he won't be too upset. Sigh~

Angelic Tricia

2006-06-19T11:08:00.000+08:00

Tricia, you're an Angel!

Just like the haloed and winged guardians of good, you truly have a heart of gold, sweet Angel. Whenever there's a chance to pitch in, save the day or just make life easier for the people around you, you're the one for the job.

You don't just jump in without planning — you use your angelic head to figure out how to do things right the first time, like only the most dependable goddesses can. Whether brainstorming a new solution to a problem, planning a surprise party for your parents, or lending your friends a wing to cry on, you've got the right instincts, so follow them whenever you can. As natural as it is for you to take care of the people around you, don't forget to treat yourself right, too. The best friendships, and loves, of a lifetime tend to blossom when you become your own guardian angel.

So don't listen to those who say nice girls finish last. People have always seen you as a goddess of thoughtfulness and good intentions, and it hasn't slowed you down a bit. All in all, Angel, you've got it made with your glowing attitude and ability to see from on high. So get out there and change the world!

What's Your Goddess Identity?
Brought to you by Tickle

I simply love doing quizzes! makes me feel good... LoL! ;)

Taiwan here we come!!

2006-05-24T16:50:00.000+08:00

I'm going to TAIWAN! Hooray!! *griNz*

Finally I get to get out of the country and go on a long holiday~ I kinda miss the feeling of exploring a new place! A new country, a new city... A world totally different!

Ever since Melbourne trip last May, I've been craving to travel again... to a totally different place. I miss Melbourne~ the exploration of the city based on almost no preparation proved to be quite fun. Basically we just walk around and end up on wherever the path brings us to. Sometimes with a specific location in mind, sometimes NONE...

I hate to join tour groups even though they bring us to places with a planned itinery, transport all taken care of and meals as well... I would rather go free and easy and explore every place on my own! Afterall, it's a city... It shldn't be that difficult to get around to places.

The thing I hate about joining a package tour is that we're rounded up like chickens every time they need us to gather and go on to another place. Every destination we go to, it's a rough 15min to take photos and we're hurrying off to another destination again... And sometimes, the whole trip can be totally spoiled becoz of selfish tour mates or lousy tour guides! Worst of ALL, usually the morning gathering time is 7.30AM!! I'm still half-asleep and I got to rush down to the lobby, grab watever is left of the buffet breakfast and we're off to wherever they want to bring us... *SIGH* It's supposed to be a HOLIDAY, not torture camp... I wonder how many pple out there agrees with me?

I'm glad Eddie is as adventurous as me... Willing to accomodate my preference. I just hope we dun argue on where to go when we're over there... LOL! This will be our second trip overseas~ Not counting Batam actually, coz that's a simple weekend getaway... The first one is to Thailand, Bangkok! During X'mas last year...

The trip to Bangkok, I made the mistake of wearing flip-flops and walking the WHOLE day... Without proper foot support, I ended up with a backache after one day! My ankles and my feet feels like it's going to drop off ANYTIME ;P So, this time round, I went to get myself a proper pair of shoes that I hope will provide more comfort compared to my flip-flops... Afterall, we'll be walking around for 7 days! WAHAHA~ 7-days out of this country! away from WORK~ I hope we have enough time to go to Taipei, Hualian and Taichung...

I'll be leaving on Friday!! Hope I'll have loads of fun~

BUSY. reason or excuse?

2006-05-20T17:07:00.000+08:00

It's been a long time since I blog. It's becoz I'm too busy... And then sometime last week,I can't remember which day exactly, I was watching the 9pm show on Channel 8. In the show, Fann Wong rushed to her caligraphy lesson conducted by Chen Hanwei and she said "你说得对。没时间，很忙，只不过是都市人的借口。" - translated to be "to have no time, to be busy, is just an excuse that citydwellers always give"

And somehow, this phrase stuck in my mind. I keep thinking about this these few days. I've been giving this reason, or rather, excuse everytime my friends ask me out. But the fact is, I feel that I dun even have time for myself since I started working that I dun wanna go out with anyone. I just wanna stay home and REST... It's not very healthy actually. I drifted apart from my closest friends. I dun really know what's happening in their lives recently, because I was "too busy"...

Too busy with what?!?! Sometimes I ask myself this question too. But I dunno the real answer to this question actually. Is it the long hours at work? Most of the time I work 8.15am to 9pm... But not everyday though. Sometimes I got so tired and pissed that I'll "RUN" home at 6pm. Or is it because I'm working so near to home? I rather go home than travel out to town to meet my friends... So it LAZINESS then, right? Or is it because I rather come back home and just watch TV with my bf?

Sigh~ TOO BUSY!! is it an just an excuse or a valid reason? actually I don't know the answer as well...

But it's true that I haven't been meeting up with my friends. Just wanna let all of you (my friends) know that I miss you all too... but I'm really just too tired (both physically and mentally) to move my lazy ass, so I apologize if you asked me out and I keep saying "I'm sorry, I'm busy on blah blah blah date."

Hope one day I can stop being a hermit and come out to meet pple... =P

Self-esteem In Great Shape~?!?!

2006-05-05T23:00:00.000+08:00

Tricia, your self-esteem is In Great Shape!!

Good for you! Your self-esteem looks pretty healthy to us! Maybe you don't consider yourself a total rock star, but our guess is that others do! Regardless of what other people think, you know that you're pretty darn great.

You also know that a big part of feeling good and looking good is taking care of yourself and treating your body right. The key is in your attitude and not freaking out when you don't get the greatest grade on a test or when someone else has the same outfit on as you. You take it in stride and see that it's the big picture that matters most. Your mature and confident approach will surely take you straight to the top in anything you do. Congrats! Keep it up!

Does Your Self-Esteem Need a Makeover?
Brought to you by Tickle

well, I certainly hope so... ;P

BROWN~ dull right?!

2006-04-17T18:59:00.000+08:00

Tricia, Your true color is BROWN!

You're brown, a credible, stable color that's reminiscent of fine wood, rich leather, and wistful melancholy. Most likely, you're a logical, practical person ruled more by your head than your heart. With your inquisitive mind and insatiable curiosity, you're probably a great problem solver. And you always gather all of the facts before coming to a timely, informed decision. Easily intrigued, you're constantly finding new ways to challenge your mind, whether it's by reading the newspaper, playing a trivia game, or composing a piece of music. Brown is an impartial, neutral color, which means you tend to see the difference between fact and opinion easily and are open to many points of view. Trustworthy and steady, you really are a brown at heart.

What's Your True Color?
Brought to you by Tickle

BROWN?!?! of all colours, I'm the dullest colour eh~ hahaha... I never thought I'll get this colour ;P

Of Elephants and Ants...

2006-04-12T17:03:00.000+08:00

I was showering halfway when I recall what Andrew said during our last poly gathering at Fish & Co...

When the elephants fight, the ants die...

Andrew was refering to NS life. I feel that it applies to the corporate world too~ sigh! I feel like an ant. Like a pawn as well... I am feeling very resentful over the fact that my manager wants us to go back and work on Good Friday if we din hit our run rate~ We all know that he wants to outperform every other managers, fighting for the 1st position in a chart. He is THE ELEPHANT And all of us under him have to work extra time EVERYDAY when he's around. Eventually, all of us gets tired out and our fighting spirit dies~ We are THE ANTS.

I don't know how my colleagues feel actually. But I feel quite angry. I feel like I'm being punished, like school days. It shouldn't be this way!!! I feel that I shouldn't be force to work on a PUBLIC HOLIDAY!! If I need to (work), it should be voluntarily. I actually feel less pressurised without him around. I perform better and feel better every morning. I actually look forward to work, WHEN HE IS NOT AROUND. Sigh~

The Wicked

2006-03-25T13:47:00.000+08:00

I got to know a marvelous quiz and I'm going to share my joy with all of you. LoL~ Will need a little wit and basic IT skills to pass the levels though... I'm hooked and still stuck at level 11 as of now!

Go try it out and have fun!

starLett vs Black Mafia

2006-03-05T12:36:00.000+08:00

Today, I woke up at 8am, feeling all comfortable and "rested". 1st time in a 3 mths~ then I went back to bed coz Eddie is still sleeping... Then I woke up again at 11.30am feeling really grumpy, coz first thing he told me is he's gonna go to a friend's place to wash his car!! Alamak~!

ok, I know I'm having a typical GIRL reaction, coz I'm jealous of his car~ ;P He even have a name for his car lor!! It's called "Black Mafia". *roll eyes* After changing to this new car, he's been a little caught up with the excitment and been showering all the attention on his car instead of.. ahem... ME! I get a little fed up with him for even surfin all the car forums... HAHA!

I think my reaction is so big tat he decide not to go wash car liao~ But I feel very happy eh. I thot he'll really go and leave me alone on a Sunday~ Afterall, I haven't had the time to really rest and enjoy my weekend for a long time coz all my Sundays are spent working at roadshows... =( But in the end, he juz decided not to go wash his car and accompany me at home... ;) my darling is a gem~

A meaningful quote

2006-01-17T21:25:00.000+08:00

Never continue in a job you don't enjoy.
If you're happy in what you're doing,
you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace.
And if you have that, along with physical health,
you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.
-- Johnny Carson

From this quote, I realised I'm quite a failure in my own life eh...
1st - I dun really like my job... therefore I dun have inner peace... I guess tat's why I feel frustrated and angry at myself everyday?!?!

2nd - I'm not very healthy now... or rather, feeling downright weak...

DAMN~! Everything is juz going wrong for me!!!

Our new bands

2006-01-16T01:26:00.000+08:00

I had one of my greatest secret wish fulfilled today. Eddie now wears a ring similar to mine!! Heez... It means a lot to me actually. Although I've never said it out loud and told him tat I love the idea of wearing couple rings, I've always secretly wished tat some day we'll be doing so... And today is the day!

It's nothing romantic~ we were juz walking down Orchard Road yakking away when he said let's go buy a pair of nice rings. I din think he was for real till we started walking into different jewellery shops to browse though their "wedding bands" collection... And then at GoldHeart, we saw something tat really captures our attention. The feeling is great!! Especially at this point of time when I need like tons of attention and security, this really means a lot a lot to me... =D

Although it might sound a little silly, but holding his hand and feeling the ring there juz right on his finger makes me smiles... Now even thinking abt it makes me grinz.

Alright, I'm gng to bed and have a sweet sweet dream... Darling, thank you for this! muack!!

guilt and heartache...

2006-01-14T01:19:00.000+08:00

Recently, I realised the meaning of real heartache and guilt. I came to understand how sometimes physical pain and wound dun really hurt when one is overwhelmed with guilt and loses something important. The heartache numbs the physical pain. Crying helps take away some pain, but the heartache and guilt will always be there...

I lost something important to me coz I had no choice. I will learn to be more careful next time and strive to work hard so that the same thing won't result in the same decision ever again. Now, I'll have to take good care of my health coz having good health is really important to everyone.

Most importantly, I'm glad Eddie is always there for me. I found the one, and I'll always treasure him.

This feeling I get - is it depression?

2005-12-31T08:49:00.000+08:00

Suddenly I feel sick of life. I feel very lonely. I feel tired. I feel stressed out. I feel like quitting my job. I feel lost. I feel very very down... I juz wanna cry~ Sigh~

This feeling is getting to me increasing bad recently... for the past 1½ month, I've cried myself silly becoz I juz feel so darn upset. Somehow I keep feeling tat this job is not suitable for me, makes me wonder why on earth I'm in it... =(

Crossroads...

2005-11-10T23:35:00.000+08:00

I'm pretty excited about my life now. A bit of anticipation. A bit of anxiety. Things are gonna be very different since I'm graduating and starting my work life soon. I went for a job interview this afternoon and I believe it's quite positive. Although I feel kinda tired, and really hope to have a good rest before starting work, but I think it might not be possible if I get successfully recruited. Sigh~ Well, I am excited about my future, but yet at the same time I feel very lost. After the interview, I kept asking myself whether I am really suitable for this position. Until now, I dun really have an answer for myself.

Crossroads in life I guess...

My Inner Child..

2005-11-03T21:38:00.000+08:00

Your Inner Child Is Angry

You're not an angry person.
But when you don't get your way, watch out.
Like a very manipulative kid, you will get what you want.
Even if it takes a little kicking and screaming.

How Is Your Inner Child?

I'm a Natural Seducer~

2005-10-26T18:44:00.000+08:00

Your Seduction Style: Au Natural

You rank up there with your seduction skills, though you might not know it. That's because you're a natural at seduction. You don't realize your power! The root of your natural seduction power: your innocence and optimism.

You're the type of person who happily plays around and creates a unique little world. Little do you know that your personal paradise is so appealing that it sucks people in. You find joy in everything - so is it any surprise that people find joy in you?

You bring back the inner child in everyone you meet with your sincere and spontaneous ways. Your childlike (but not childish) behavior also inspires others to care for you. As a result, those who you befriend and date tend to be incredibly loyal to you.

What Kind of Seducer Are You?

Perhaps tat's how I capture EL's heart! LoL~

Explosive Mood

2005-10-25T11:32:00.000+08:00

I'm in this really lousy mood tat's caused by the nearing of my exam dates! sickening~! I think every semester before my exams I feel this way... I'm so glad it's the last semester already~ ;P

I feel very pressurized. Yet reluctant to do anything abt it. (Read: I'm still haven't start studying AT ALL) Let the time slip away slowly (or is it rapidly?!?!). 28th Oct is my first paper... Only like 3 more days left~ I think I'm simply hopeless!!! ='(

STRESS LEVEL is going higher and higher~ Why am I so darn LAZY?!?!?!

starLett may explode without warning

M
EXPLOSIVE

From Go-Quiz.com

Arrggghhh!!!!!!

Eyebrow embroidery (aka 绣眉)

2005-10-24T17:14:00.000+08:00

I went for my monthly facial today and did eyebrow embroidery (aka 绣眉) as well~ I'm someone who is super afraid of needles/injections and the whole process is such a torture coz I'm afraid of the pain. Actually, it doesn't hurt at all coz of the huge amount of anaesthetic she put on for me but becoz I got this fear for needles, so I felt really uncomfortable... I mean, being conscious, I can hear the needle pricking my skin when she continuously stick it into my eyebrows area~ She ask me whether I wanna hold a mirror while she do it. Luckily, I said NO, so I can't see the process. Else I think I'll be crying...

The anaesthetic is wearing off slowly now and it's starting to hurt a little~ ='( The eyebrows are still bleeding slightly... sigh~

I think I look like Crayon Shin-chan (La Bi Xiao Xin) now!! LoL~! coz the colour is currently very dark, making me look really fierce... I was told by the beautician tat after a week, it'll look very natural after the initial peeling. I certainly hope so, coz I dun wanna look like Xiao Xing for long~ ;P

I decided to go do this eyebrow embroidery thing coz I have a visible scar on my right eyebrow... I got the scar when I was in K2. I was riding my bicycle when my fren came towards me in the opp direction really fast. In order to avoid hitting him, I swerved and fall towards the letterboxes, cutting myself above my right eye in tat accident.

That scar on my brow makes drawing the eyebrow a huge challenge every time I put on makeup. So after I got my pay, under the influence of my beautician's constant persuasion, I decided to "fill up the hole" in my brow. Cost me $199!! I hope it'll really look natural~ From the look of my mum's eyebrows and all her friends who did it, they all look alright~ But none of my own friends did it before, so I'm still quite worried now... =X

It's supposed to last for like 3-5 yrs... Fading slowly till it's gone. Not something permanent like tattoo, but still lasting in a way.

Guess this whole week, I'll fret over the look of my eyebrows every morning...

Wat's wrong with me?

2005-10-11T23:19:00.000+08:00

Somehow my mood gets much much better (and I really mean by heaps and bounds) when Baby promised me to go to bed and rest early tonite... I feel REALLY good for being able to coax him to bed?!?! well, I dunno... Juz tat he's sick and I want him to SLEEP~

aiya, nothing happen at all... I dun even know what I'm upset about. Even though I feel upset and depressed the WHOLE DAY~ I really dunno what I'm thinking...

Even my youngest brother tell me, it's most prob PMS!! What is wrong with me?!?! hmmmm......

How much do you know abt me?

2005-10-11T15:31:00.000+08:00

I made a Quiz for You on QuizYourFriends.com

CLICK on the link below or PASTE it into your browser.
http://www.quizyourfriends.com/yourquiz.php?quizname=051011032901-365987

Just to find out how much you know about me...
IT'S A VERY SIMPLE QUIZ! ;P

Evil Wish

2005-10-11T06:45:00.000+08:00

I can't imagine! I woke up this morning with the evil wish tat THE BITCH will drop dead instantly!

I know it's evil, but the thought's been in my mind since the 1st day she scolded me... And recently the urge to wish her dead juz came more frequently.

So let me juz wish tat some major fatal accident today will involve that BITCH... If not death, maybe leave her cripple or watever... Cancer, AIDS, SARS and other terminal disease also can~ hmpfffff!
I HATE HER!

And those who lie to me as well, shall all become MUTE for 8 hours! coz I hate liars juz as much... esp those who lie to me! And yes, omitting the truth is same as lying...

I represent [Greek God - Morpheus]

2005-10-10T21:20:00.000+08:00

did an online quiz today coz my net fren - Jimmy, send me the link via MSN... go ahead and take the test~ find out which is you... ;)

Morpheus

Which Of The Greek Gods Are You
brought to you by Quizilla

Too early to start my day?

2005-10-04T07:32:00.000+08:00

I seriously wonder what should I do at a time like this? It's like 7.30am in the morning NOW and I woke up like 7am this morning! woke up with no aim... But I juz can't sleep in anymore. I rather wake up then force myself to sleep. And I got nothing on till 2pm~ gosh! what shld I do now? hmmmm....

I guessed I'll wake EL up for work and ask him out for breakfast together ba~ sigh! *boReD*

Sorry...

2005-09-21T12:52:00.000+08:00

I drenched my pillow with tears last night. Something was on my mind and I dunno how to handle it, so I juz let my tears flow. Juz to clear off the moodiness. Cried myself to sleep. All the while thinking wat a disappointment I am. I'm really sorry... ='(

I really hope you can understand... Sorry...

Batam Trip~!

2005-09-20T22:01:00.000+08:00

Over the weekend, I went to Batam for a short getaway with EL and his poly frens... On Sat morning, EL woke me up at 7am and 1st reaction for me is to whine~ throw pillow over his face to shut him up!! coz i'm freaking tired... LoL!! We slept at 4am+ the nite before coz we went to meet his frens for supper~ I made him go prepare 1st while I snuggle a little while more in bed...

We reached HarbourFront at 0825hr... was not considered late coz the meeting time is 0820hr. 5min difference only la~ :P Met up with his frens, 6 of them. Had a hasty breakfast at McDonald's with Elson and his gf, Huizhu while the other 4 went to get the tickets. Then we took the 0920hr ferry to Batam...

Taken on the ferry to Batam

I've never been to Batam before~ my 1st impression of tat place is not fantastic, but overall still ok... Reminds me a lot of Malaysia, esp. my hometown - Port Dickson area...

We stayed at Harris Resort. The lobby is quite cosy. But the check-in procedures took some time. I dunno why coz me and EL was busy taking pics... LoL!!

Outside Harris Resort

After checking-in, we proceed to our rooms to SLACK~ We checked out the scenery outside our balcony...

And baby checked out his own reflection as well~ =P

Since we have nothing to do while waiting, we stayed in the room and took some lovey-dovey photos~ hahahaha...

Eddie the Man

Tricia the Little Girl

Lovey Dovey~

More Lovey Dovey~

LAST...

And wait for lunch time... Lunch is free, included in our package~ :) After lunch, we went for a walk around the place. There's a mini mart at the lobby~ Baby said I can't wear bikini!! so I told him to buy me this awful looking swimsuit~

Nice?!?! of coz we din get that... I still prefer my bikinis~ =P

Next to the resort is Monkey Beach Hut!

It's the place where we can play the sea sports stuff like jet-ski, kayak, parasalling etc... We actually wanna kayak, but then they dun have enough for 8 of us~ So we juz walked ard that place to look at scenery.

He took a candid shot of me~ =)

And guess wat~ There's real monkeys there...

there's one baby one with very big eyes

and another very CHEEKY monkey!!

Can see wat I mean by cheeky not?!?!

I BET YOU CAN'T DO THAT~!!! really shows the primitive side of MAN! LoL!!!!

Then there's a parrot too!

we went for a swim since we can't kayak~ Spent the whole afternoon under the sun... The feeling is juz great~! After tat, we went to have dinner at a restaurant near the ferry terminal~ It's quite cheap for tat amount of food... $12/pax. We had fish, prawns, crabs, kailan, sambal kangkong, omelette, claypot toufu, and mee goreng...

took this while waiting for food~ the sunset is beautiful!

Silly EL put a whole piece of chilli padi into his mouth and chew before I can tell him wat's tat! LoL~ tat caused him to lose his appetite totally, coz he can't take spicy stuff at all~ poor dear~ *gigglez*

We went back to the resort to check out the spa and massage after dinner. We wanted to play billard, but another group of people was there, so we retreat back to our room (they volunteered our room -_-") to play cards instead...

Sunday was spent lazing ard after breakfast~ We din get to swim coz it was raining... But it's ok. Since I get to spent time with baby. We had a late lunch then it's time to get back to Singapore~ sigh~ Another weekend gone and baby gotta work on Monday~

I failed my IME Test...

2005-09-16T01:19:00.000+08:00

Super boring day today man! I woke up earlier than usual @ 10am... to mug for my International Monetary Economics MCQ test~ was juz messing ard for abt 2hrs basically juz slacking when baby called me to ask whether I want lunch... Great! a very good way to get away from my books (which I haven't open since I woke up) Sigh~ I went for lunch with him. failed in my attempt to tempt him to accommpany me after lunch~ LoL! he went home to rest~ I came home and slack abit more...

Was juz abt to really start studying when a lady by the name of Yvonne, from Her World Magazine called me to do a phone interview regarding an online community that I joined --> BeautifulPeople.net She basically wanna find out the definition of beauty from different people... I told her mine~ But I wonder how the write-up will turn out to be. =P

And then, I started studying!! But then I can't absorb, coz it's really toooooo difficult~ SIGH! =( I studied till abt 6pm then prepared to go school... And was almost LATE for my test~ phew! and I sat down, did the 1st qns, and proceed on to skip and skip and skip the rest coz I dunno how to do... By the time I reached Qns25, I know there's a serious problem. I really dunno how to do! I sit inside and stare into blank space~ then decide to juz try my luck and GUESS the answers... after the test, the lecturer went thru the answers AND I FAILED THAT PAPER.. =' '(

what made me really angry is... the lecturer din go thru the sample test paper found at the back of our lecture notes! and the questions ALL came from there~ *faiNtz* I HATE MY IME LECTURER NOW!!!! hmpfff!!!!

baby went to fetch me even though he have a headache~ poor dear... I complained all the way back home~ I mean, I got to let out that anger... ARRGGHHHH!!

after baby went home, I got nothing constructive to do... SO in order to let out some stress and my super bad mood, I helped mum clean up the stove area, wash the dishes, mop the kitchen, tidy my room... then I continue to sulk and click on my favorite mindless game called Word Mojo

I got tired of tat. Celia juz told me my blog is boring coz there's no updates and so decided to update my blog~ and so... you see this post! *griNz*

Sigh~ juz brooding~

2005-09-09T00:26:00.000+08:00

I'm sick.. have been sick for days now. Down with a bad throat, a blocked nose and a bad cough~ Every nite the fever comes back as well... sigh!

Being sick, naturally I feel weak... It's affecting my mood as well...

Met up with baby juz now. He bought me some chinese herbal tea with extra powder mixture added. It's super bitter!!! But after drinking, I do feel better and coughing less.

I got some liquor promo job introduced to me by Sharolyn - a fren I know from Singapore Face competition. I know baby dun like my job and esp dislike it when I work at nite in nightspots, so I asked him for his opinion on whether I shld take up the job. He said better not.

I know since I asked him for his opinion, so I shld listen. Else why do I ask, right? it's not his fault for disliking my work... But still I dun feel good~ sigh~ it makes me feel think about some stuff. Will I really listen and dun take up the promo? Am I ready to give up my work? I mean, I really dunno the answer...

I only know, I hate the feeling of being broke... I'm afraid of having no money and fall back the kinda life style where I have practically zero cash. This is good income and has helped me pull through a lot of my financial difficulties as well... Am I ready to give it up? I also dunno...

I feel tat it's juz work. I'm not doing something indecent. It's juz working as a promoter in nightspots. It's already not easy having to support myself juz doing part-time work and having to study full-time. My parents are gng through a rough financial patch as well. It's not as if they can still afford to give me allowance. I'm not earning extra cash so that I can go shopping and buy stuff I like. I'm working so that I can pay my fees and provide for myself, basic necessities... Sometimes, I feel tat everything is really juz so difficult and I juz feel like breaking down. But I usually keep reminding myself of more positive stuff - like it's only a few more months and I'll be able to work full-time, and I pull through... I never have someone to lean on~ I hate this feeling of being independent and having no one really close to talk to.

Now I have something extra to worry abt - he dun like my work. I wanna respect him, but it's really not easy, esp when I think of the extra money I can earn if I work.

I became very quiet when he said no. I know he's not happy becoz of my reaction. It's like, if i dun intend to listen, why ask? But I also dunno how to explain to him my own financial concerns. I feel that he won't understand anyway. I dun wanna quarrel over this issue coz there's nothing to argue about. I also dun wanna explain myself and coax him coz I dun feel good myself either. In a way, I feel very disappointed.

I know this is one area tat he won't be able to provide the kinda mental and emotional support I need when I feel the mental stress that comes with the job. And the stress of providing for myself financially. My frens know, I dun really like my work, it's all becoz of the money. This past 2 years, I've alr forced myself to face a lot of bad remarks that comes from pple I care alot regarding my job. I feel hurt too... =(

I know alot of other students earn their own keep as well. So I really shldn't be complaining. But maybe becoz I dun have the mental strength, I really can't take the stress sometimes, esp when I can't cope with my studies. sigh~

Why do I feel that
NOBODY understands me?!?!

Sorry Cass!!

2005-09-07T18:42:00.000+08:00

I owe my agency - Trix Venture an apology becoz some time back in January this year, I wrote something quite mean on my blog and today the boss went to read abt it. Apparently, her clients saw wat I wrote.

I wrote tat piece becoz I was really very frustrated over tat issue at that point of time, so I din think much abt the consequences. Afterall, I thought I was juz grumbling on my blog, I din realised tat search engines pick out details like tat. I agree, it's very irresponsible of me... I'm sorry!

To clarify, it's really juz a misunderstanding.

MS FINALLY done!

2005-09-02T15:19:00.000+08:00

I was rushing out my MS journals till 530am in the morning~ when I sms the girls - Jasmine and Jessna at 4.30am, they replied me!! GOSH~! seems like they're also burning the midnight oil to complete the journals. I woke up at 10am coz i'm too tensed to sleep in longer... My mind is still very tired. I feel bad for asking them to compile the project coz I gotta work later at nite for an event - The Friends of Jack Party @ Chijmes. Reporting time is at 530pm!! the actual work starts at 830pm. sigh~ waste of my time... There'll be free flow of Jack Daniel's from 8.30pm to 10pm... Hope it won't be too boring~

I've done whatever I can do. now it's up to them to compile and hand it in~ another project down. DPP2 deadline coming up though. 12th September... :'(

classic case of paranoia in a r/s?

2005-09-01T12:04:00.000+08:00

I woke up and my nose is still feeling horrible! In the grossest term, I got tons of mucus stuck in my nose tat refused to come out even when I blow my nose... sigh~ nose block! I thot sleeping will make me feel better and recover... apparently it does not really help~

OH NO! I'm getting paranoid... 1st thing tat suddenly came to my mind when I wake up is how come EL din pick up my call when i called him last nite at 12mn leh.. hmmm.. could he be out somewhere and so din pick up? or with someone else? then tell me he's sleeping?!?!

AIYA, I'm juz being overly-sensitive and I know it... But I got this thot coz I had bad experience with the previous guy la, so this thot popped into my mind. but like wind, the thot juz came and go... afterall, baby is sick last nite, under influence of medication, the possibility of him dozing off and so din msg me good nite is definitely greater than him going out/dating someone else~ I trust him... ;)

Grumblings~ MS Sucks...

2005-09-01T00:11:00.000+08:00

I’m stuck in school discussing my Managing Strategically (MS) project the whole day!! I think 3pm till 10pm is consider whole day right? MS sucks BIG TIME... sigh~ last nite I was sifting through information from various sources till 3am in the middle of the nite and it's juz sickening!! This morning I din wake up in time for lecture (as usual) and only woke up when EL called me at 1030am~ sigh!

After calling me, baby drop by after going to the doctor and bought food for me~ I feel bad, coz he's sick, still gotta worry abt whether I EAT~ he's coughing quite badly, I shld be the one showering lotsa love on him since he's sick eh... But I’m so stressed out over MS Memo tat I dun have much time to even ask whether he's alright. *frowN* hope baby get well soon~

Before I leave for school at 230pm, my youngest bro, Wai Lap came home with a swollen arm. At first, Mum and I thot tat he got into a fight with his frens, only to find out tat he fell coz he was playing and got clumsy~ the arm was so swollen tat it kinda got everyone worried that he might have broken a bone but he din seem to mind the pain... baby gave me a ride to sch and so I told him abt Wai Lap~

Then at ard 930pm, baby told me Wai Lap is only suffering from muscle strain. I asked him how did he know and he told me he juz send my bro and my mum to the doctor. (I was still in school at 930pm... sigh!) -_-" I was so surprised! Apparently, he called my bro and send them to the doctor for X-RAY~ AND he din tell me! hahahaha~ I feel kinda weird actually, but also very happy coz he can integrate with my family and I think it's really sweet of him...

I'm being too pampered by baby. EL have been fetching me home from project meetings or school almost everyday~ But Mum told me tat baby look really tired when he send them ard, so I thot to save him the trouble, I shall make my way home myself~ Then BINGO! Kevin walked out from the lecture theatre... Being long-time frens, I very buay paiseh and asked him whether I can hitch a ride from him since he's only living one street away~ of coz he said yes~ hahaha... So I called baby and told him I’m hitching a ride from a fren instead~

Moment i got home, I started searching for articles and information AGAIN! no life man~ it's Ladies nite today somemore... *duhz* then Mum suddenly ask me, "have you eaten?". I think for one full min before realizing tat I had lunch but not dinner~ And then my stomach starting GROWLING! In the end, got dad to buy food back for me~

Now, I think i'm getting sick as well~ i shall take a break from the project research and get some sleep coz my running nose is simply irritating the shit outta me... got a fever, which I think is due to my sore throat. sianzz! Enough of grumblings~

For EL ONLY --> BABY, I LOVE YOU! Hope you'll get well soon... muack!

Moody...

2005-08-30T03:27:00.000+08:00

oday I feel exceptionally moody. sigh! I barely finished my journals on time coz I was procrastinating as usual. As always, I'm the "group leader" for my project, therefore placed in charge of the final compilation and checking of the final product. The project due today is the BGGC Memo and Interim Journals. I compiled everything, checked through thoroughly, make all necessary changes, print it out, settle all the administrative stuff such as cover page, assignment declaration form and have to travel to school to hand it in. It's not difficult, juz very tedious. Was freaking afraid that I'll be late! was abt to force my bro, Alan to send me to school when EL called and "saved" my day by offering to send me instead. Meeting up with him always make me smile...

After sending me to school to drop my assignment , we went to his place for dinner. Chilled over at his place after dinner... was having a conversation with his mum when she tell me the "Hokkien" name of their dog - J.J - it means sit sit... Mispronouncing J.J in Hokkien is "sit sit" I dunno why, but I had a gd laugh coz I find it really amusing...

When i was at his place, I did a sneaky thing and looked through the photos in his computer without him knowing, only to make myself feel weird and uncomfortable after seeing pics of him with his ex-gf... Sigh! Jealousy... Silly things we humans do sometimes... But it's my own fault to even peep, so I can't possibly be upset abt it I guess. Brushing the unhappy feeling aside, I juz burrow into his arms and buried myself in his snug hug to seek that comfort that I needed so much to make myself feel better... Already in a moody state, only to make myself feel worse by doing stupid things... Downright dumb!

EL accompanied me to meet Celia for supper or rather, juz a catching up session actually... Listening to her talk abt her relationship suddenly makes me scare and a sudden lack of confidence in my own relationship... Sigh! I suddenly feel that i'm caring too much, too fast, and it scaring me.

I always feel that if I care a lot for someone, he/she have the ability to hurt me more. I'm really quite scare of getting hurt again. I'm also afraid that i'll choose to 'escape and run away' again when I feel the pressure or when we face a problem. I'm guilty of doing that, that's why all my relationships didn't last long after YM... EL is too good to me, making me worried that I might not be able to measure up. Sigh... Mood swing... Lotsa weird thoughts crowding up my mind tonite.

Gonna sleep now... Long day tmr! sianzzz... I got NO mood to do anything constructive recently...

Fashion Profile for Pisces

2005-08-24T11:05:00.000+08:00

Got this interesting piece about sun sign's fashion profile on iVillage

Pisces Fashion Profile

The Fish likes to be able to flow in and out of clothing with ease. Most at home barefoot, in long, flowing skirts, you are most in tune with the world around you when your clothing is comfortable to the point of nonexistence. Clothes are, in fact, a social construct. You know you can't wander about naked, though, so you go to bargain stores and thrift shops to get yours. If you had it your way, you would probably go about in a bathing suit all day, throwing on a plastic bag or two when it got cold. You're flexible, though. If you buy a power suit and wear it like you mean it, you will eventually grow into it. Once you get past the hang-up of having something on your feet, you're prone to buying tons of shoes, so at least your toes can have some variety in their prison.

Moonstones are a good bet to adorn your body in strange places. Belly chains, anklets and, especially, toe rings cast a fantastical glimmer over whatever it is you're wearing. Hair that is long and tangled quickly becomes hair that is long and braided when the Fish needs a quick fix. When left in your natural state, you don't give a lot of thought to clothing. Pisces is a chameleon, however, so wherever you go and whatever you do, you never need to worry about fitting in.

Now i know why i love to go au natural? i dun mind juz bikinis too~ hahahaha... j/k!

For other signs have to click on the link above and read on your own! *griNz*

Eddie Lim - My Baby

2005-08-17T05:59:00.000+08:00

juz in the mood to write about us~

this is me and my baby - Eddie Lim

He made me feel loved... really loved and doted on~ a feeling tat i haven't felt for some time...

We started off with being friends. the way we know each other is quite crap actually... online net frens! ha~ met him the day after i got discharged from hospital. it was a very very rough period for me. I was kinda lost... And he gave me the support and attention i needed at tat time, helping me along in finding my path~ I appreciate tat in the friendship he gave me.

After some time, I start to find comfort in juz contacting him... a simple msg, a phone call, msn chats... Then our friendship went thru a rough patch, the dilemmas we both felt strongly. Whether is it right? or wrong? I dare say we went through some, if not a lot, together~ friendship turned into a relationship... a very special bond we feel for each other.

However wrong the situation seems in the beginning, i can't bear to see him go even though i keep telling him to go away... I believe he felt the same at that time. We gave each other the time and space we both needed~ And in his own way, though not always verbally, he gave me the reassurance tat everything will turn out fine eventually... even though i felt very sad, i trusted him, and i waited for him... We finally officially got together on 9th August. *smiLez* good eh! every year anniversary, he'll confirm have time for me, coz it's public holiday! LoL!

He did a lot of sweet stuff for me... something i really appreciate and wanna say a big THANK YOU DEAR!

when i'm down, he'll meet up with me in the afternn juz to have lunch together with me. After lunch, he stayed a while longer juz to talk to me. (I always felt bad for keeping him from his work)

when i needed help for my project, he helped me by sacrificing his sleep, painstakingly churn out the information i needed juz so that i dun have to do it coz i dun have enuff time alr. (i'm not proud of tat fact tat i din do my own work... but i really think it's sweet of him to even think of helping me this way) He motivated me nicely even though i ought to be juz scolded for being so plain lazy. I still remember he brought me chips and ice-cream in the middle of the nite so that i can have something to munch on if i'm hungry or tired.

He'll send me to sch/work or come and fetch me from sch/work coz he dun want me to be too tired. (even though sometimes it's really out of the way!) Once, he was already sleeping, and he woke up juz to come Suntec and fetch me home after work @ 1am!

He'll accompany me and wait for me to dye my hair, even though he's quite bored really. (I think not many guys with have this kinda patience)

He'll listen to me yak about my day and he'll share with me about his day. this is really impt to me~ coz it juz feels good tat we're sharing our lives.

He tries his best to accompany me whenever he's free. Everyday, after his work, after his dinner at home, he'll come over and juz spend time together at my place... he dun make me feel cramped coz he'll let me juz do my own stuff if there's any, and not disturb me at all, giving me my personal space and juz quietly watch TV or talk to my youngest bro~ i juz love his presence...

When i feel like going outta the house, he'll bring me out for a cruise. even though with no aim in mind, he'll juz bring me, coz i wanna get out... juz to make me feel happier, no questions asked~

He really makes me feel good by juz putting our pics on his Friendster and MSN. LoL! It's like announcing to everyone tat we're together~ i find this really sweet, coz seriously, not many guys in my life did this. He developed our pic, laminated it and placed it in his wallet. (i know this sounds lame, but i really love tat... heez)

He's respectful to my parents and in his cute way, tried to get along with my 3 brothers... my elder bro is fierce, younger bro is crappy and youngest bro a pest~ but he juz managed to get along with all 3 of them... It's really nice to see tat. He called my youngest bro juz tonite to asked whether he had dinner and whether he need us to buy dinner back for him! And i didn't even know who he's calling until he put down the phone~ even though i teased him abt it and said it's his strategy to get into my bro's good books and get my info from him, i really appreciate it!

He'll hang out with my frens together with me~ tolerate their questions about him and smile through the whole ordeal~ haahaa! He can sit through my gal-frens yakking session and also go drinking session with my guy-frens... versatile for my sake~

He'll stay up late, give up his sleeping time and accompany me online juz becoz i'm not sleeping~ And he dun usually stay up late. And he can't sleep in late like me coz he gotta work~

Today, he's sick, but still he came to accompany me~ To kill time, we went to Bukit Timah to play pool together with my buddy Anthony. I din know how to take care of him though. Other than nagging at him to take his medicine, drink more water and smoke less, i seriously dunno what else to do~ sigh...

He'll gives me the reassurance tat i need~ Even though he dun say them directly, I know tat he cares for me, thru the things he do, the things he said... even though i always say i'm a strong gal, value my freedom, independent blah blah blah~ i really feel much much better with these reassurance... tonite, i was actually feeling rather annoyed after seeing some pics, but somehow, though his speech and his sincere words, i know i shldn't worry or even think abt it.

He'll protect me in his own way and try his best not to let me get hurt.

And of coz, there's alot alot more stuff....

Sweetest thing, he tells me he loves me...

i wanna let him know i noticed all these things he did for me and i really really appreciate it~ I always feel tat i'm lucky to have him as my bf. Sometimes, i feel tat i'm not good enough for him... But i guessed i will juz try my very best...

I LOVE YOU TOO!! *huGz*
BABY, I will try my best to be a good girlfriend...

More of our pictures!! muahahaha~ *griNz*

:: Picture of Bliss ::
self-taken in his car actually...

:: My Fav Picture ::
when my hair is still purplish~ 1st time we went KTV together...
He say I managed to "impress" him tat day~

:: In His Latest Levi's Glasses ::
he's a vain lass~ muahahaha...
this is his latest craze. his new Levi's specs~

something sweet...

2005-08-12T02:24:00.000+08:00

I've been lazy~ so haven't been updating frequently enuff for my liking... every nite i'm sleeping real late... and then i wake up even later~ kaoz! everyday sleep at 3am++ and then wake up 1pm++! i'm like a zombie! i think i've been bitten by the LAZY bug~ =(

But i wanna record down something... something sweet~ He came and fetch me home after night lecture so that i won't be tired~ And he bought me dinner coz he knew i'm lazy and din have any food before i rush down to school for class~ i appreciate all this sweet gestures tat he did for me... thanks dear!

I hope i won't get too spoilt by him though~ haahaa... *griNz*

True Love will never become Hatred

2005-08-11T14:16:00.000+08:00

♥ 真正爱一个人是无法说出原因的，
你只知道无论何时何地、心情好坏，
你都希望这个人陪著你；
真正的感情是两人能在最艰苦中相守，
也就是没有丝毫要求。
毕竟，感情必须付出，而不是只想获得；
分开是一种必然的考验，
如果你们感情不够稳固，只好认输，
真爱是不会变成怨恨的。♥

And how true i think this is...

Super Spoiler!

2005-08-11T03:09:00.000+08:00

It's a BAD BAD day... everything started to go wrong since 12mn~ very tempted to write abt everything here, but i shall not coz it'll juz make me more and more angry... I'm glad i went to meet Celia after class for some bitching session to find my balance, else i'll explode and scream at THE SHREWD tat spoilt MY DAY~! i still can't believe she can miss call me so many times!!

Yesterday was supposed to be my happiest day, coz my baby finally gave me an answer to my question... we're finally an item! it really means a lot to me. And so, National Day marks the beginning of forever~ we spent the whole day juz slacking together at my place then went to Bedok for dinner, then slack some more at home... was feeling incredibly happy the whole day, only to get it spoilt to the MAX by her at nite... super spoiler! hmpff!!

but nvm... my mood's getting better alr... though i predict more stuff will happen and we will not have our peace any time soon~ sigh!

人不痴狂罔少年

2005-08-09T15:56:00.000+08:00

人不痴狂罔少年

this chinese phrase keep appearing in my mind recently... it means something like one's youth is wasted if one did not do any reckless/stupid stuff when they are young? So basically, something like live life to the fullest kinda thing...

i wonder what will be a good english translation for it so that the meaning will not be lost~ haahaa!

Simple Joys

2005-08-06T18:46:00.000+08:00

i haven't been crying for some time. Learning to be strong? Actually I'm juz getting by, picking myself up slowly... All in all, i'm doing fine since the incident almost 2 months back now...

Last nite, tears flow for a fren coz i feel really sad tat he's not happy with his life now. I dunno why but i feel deeply for him for the situation tat he's stuck in. i juz hope he will be happy. I hope all my frens will be happy and healthy! So all my dear frens, learn to smile and appreciate life... =)

Embrace the simple joys of juz opening ur eyes to the beautiful morning and a bright new day~ snuggle in bed for a while and enjoy the warmth of your bed and quilt, or better still, the warmth of ur beloved in your arms... It's your choice to be happy everyday! *smiLez*

Like today~ i indulged in a simple breakfast fare with my mum - coffee, bread and eggs (sunny-side-ups done to perfection by mummy), talking abt what happened to me recently at work, at school and my feelings, sharing my troubles, worries and happy or funny stuff that happened... She talked abt hers as well~ it makes us understand each other on a deeper level. Although it's sad to say tat all this sharing comes only after something happened to me, but i'm glad finally we're starting to talk and share... I'm sorry to make her worried, but part of me is glad tat the incident made us closer and we pay more attention to each other now. juz plain chit chatting with my family brightens my day... in the end, my brothers joined us as well. We talked, joked and ask about each other more~ =)

I spent my day lying in bed with a cup of hot tea by my bedside, reading a romance novel and listening to music while my youngest brother planted himself in front of the computer playing his online game - Maple Story... occassionally, he'll exclaim to me abt the game when he gets some "freebies" (or issit weapons?). Or he's yak abt his frens in school and the stupid things they did. recently he subtly asked me, "why do pple have infatuations?" LoL~ tat's part of him growing up... afterall, he's only 13-yr-old~!

usually the computer is out of access for him when i'm home, but weekends, i try to let him use it for gaming since he's in school on weekdays. And he's sick this weekend, quite poor thing, so i gotta try and make him feel better... A compromise between siblings~ afterall, i still love him dearly even though he's such a pest sometimes!

All these little little things are juz some simple joys... there are lots more that will make me happy as long as I learn to embrace it and be contented~

Learn to take a break from work sometimes as well (this comment is really targeted at one particular gal-fren whom i care for, but dun see enuff of! you know who you are, you workaholic!)

ALL DONE! Hooray~

2005-08-01T02:40:00.000+08:00

I've finally finished my report... EL came over to accompany me juz now~ helped me with my resume writing and think of the right words to describe ME! heez... Then i realised this one whole week, i've been meeting him every single day~ 7 days now...

But i'm happy to see him la... Overall, i'm so so happy tat that i've finished my report... tmr i shall go HAND IN MY REPORT! Hooray~~!!

my report and my personalities...

2005-07-31T05:07:00.000+08:00

i'm eating Ben & Jerry Strawberry Cheesecake ice-cream now~ *griNz* EL bought it for me so that I have something to munch on when i'm bored with my report or feel sleepy... i'm feeling abit of BOTH now, so i'm munching... Although i was surprised, it's sweet of him to buy chips and ice-cream for me in the middle of the nite and deliver to my hse~ juz thinking abt it makes me smile... *sweeetzz*

it's freaking 5am and i'm still struggling with my report~ But i'm glad to say tat at least 80% is completed now~ Finally!! haahaa...

This report is quite interesting really... Thru all the self-analysis done, I get to know alot more about myself~ Something to do with career planning, so i gotta evaluate myself against the kinda career I wanna be in... I compared myself against the job of a Personal Banker.

My top 5 work values:
1. Lifestyle
2. Money
3. Prestige
4. Co-workers
5. Independence

According to the Holland’s Occupational Themes and Personality Theory, results from a self assessment quiz show that my personality type belongs to Social, with Enterprising following very closely... To find out more, can read about this theory on TheCareerKey.com

Then according to another theory - Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), results show that my personality type belong to the ENFP category~ Although this time round, the results defer from the previous time tat i took the test, I was told, a person's personality sometimes changes... But the results is still pretty near! previous results show tat I'm an ENTP... to find out more, can read about this theory on PersonalityPage.com

Then according to Belbin's team Role Theory, I'm the Coordinator role in a team... More on this theory on SuccessfulManagers.com

Then of coz i have a lot of other materials from books tat i zap on my trip to the JE library on wednesday~

ALL the theories indicate that I'm someone sociable with good people skill, place great emphasis on interpersonal relatioships... i find this point very true! The rest of the points, i do agree as well, but too long to place it all here~ The accurancy level of all the tests done is like 90% true!

Interesting~ and i'm tired now... gng to bed! shall continue and finish up my report later when i wake up~ nite nitez! *griNz*

priorities problems! =(

2005-07-29T16:19:00.000+08:00

yesterday, I intended to stay home the whole day to do my report~ I skipped my morning class and was deciding whether to skip my night lecture... in the end, Simon from D'Classic Marketing called and asked me whether I can go down to Balaclava in the evening for an audition~ Sigh~ there goes my evening! I went down coz it's work and work means more MONEY~ heezz!!

But there goes my momentum for school work as well~ Oh well, the audition is for a Budweiser job on Monday evening... They're the official sponsor for the movie, The Wedding Crashers and so they're giving out free premiere tickets on Monday to customers who buy Budweiser. After my interview, I had dinner with Don at Beach Rd - Hing Wa Restaurant... Then I went down to Boat Quay for drinks with EL! in the end, I met Anthony and Chiron there... We left tat place at 1am!! so much for an early nite so tat i do my report~ i think i really need to reflect on my time management man~ =(

EL helped me do a huge part of my report on Wed nite! If he knows tat i'm actually juz clicking absent-mindedly on my internet research links and also clicking on my minesweeper at the same time, I bet he'll be so disappointed in me~ Personally i feel tat i'm not worth helping coz sometimes, i'm juz too lazy! =( But still, i'm very glad tat he helped me... EL, i'm grateful! Thanks~!! muackz!

I definitely cannot finish my report in time to hand in today le~ guess will have to do it 1st thing on Monday morning ba~ sigh!! it's the 1st time i hand in my assignment past the deadline... I'm worried and stressed out... But i really cannot finish, so i guess tat's my only choice now~

Need to prepare to go for work now~ working for Carlsberg tonite... last nite of their "Private Jet" promotion~ I can't believe I'm skipping my report to work!! arrggghhh~!! I shall continue when i get back from work ba...

Research time again...

2005-07-27T23:49:00.000+08:00

i juz reached home from Jurong East Library... Went there to do research for my Career That Works - Industry Report assignment~ it's due on Friday! and i haven't started yet! hmmm, actually i did, i went to dig out all my notes which is chucked somewhere since I came back from Australia~ And i did try my best to recall what was taught there but i can't seem to remember anything tat is useful, except shops closes at 5pm! LoL~

Anyway, a fren - Alex who live in Simei, accompanied me to the library today~ so sweet right?! live so far away still accompany me~ hahaha... actually he's also staying at NTU hall la~ Initially, I wanted to go there to photocopy the short articles from The Straits Times Recruit... Then, i decided to zap some info about the personality tests tat I took so tat i can put it as references as well~

During dinner, he told me tat his frens checked out his friendster and comment tat I'm kinda cute~ muahahaha!! ego-booster wor~ yeah~! And he went to tell me abt his chio hall-mates, or rather the lack of chio hall-mates that makes his life there a little dull... a highly amusing topic~!

Back to my report, I realised how little have I done when i reached home and take a look at my assignment guidelines! sigh~ And i'm still slacking, doing everything else except start on my report~ But at least i stayed home and skipped clubbing on a ladies nite wor~ LoL!

Back to my research now~ wish myself luck and a little self-motivation~!!

you know who you are...

2005-07-25T15:31:00.000+08:00

i know you read my blog...i wanna let you know, i'm really happy to see you today for lunch. When you said you're gng swimming, i was kinda hoping you'll ask me. When you din, i juz intended to go anyway... In the end, the weather dun permit it. Fate maybe? sigh~

we're no longer at ease with talking abt our feelings in front of each other, making each catching up session awkward for both of us. With uncomfortable silence, pondering abt wat each other is thinking... it's making me miserable... How I wish everything remains the same as the past~ =(

Prank Calls

2005-07-25T14:36:00.000+08:00

i've been getting some prank calls recently from a "private number". Not once or twice, it's getting more and more frequent? The caller dun speak and called at wee hours... last nite, i picked up twice~ once at 12am+, another close to 2am~ Some time back, say a week or two ago. once, that bugger called at 4am!! Sigh~! wat's wrong with these people?!?! nothing better to do?!?! luckily, i'm not the kind who sleeps early, so i wasn't asleep when the phone rang... i'll still pick up and greet the caller...

sigh~ so many people dun like me wor~ BUGGER, if you really dun like me, can call and TALK to me... dun keep quiet and test my patience ya... *smiLez* i got absolutely no idea who you are anyway, so if you wanna call and irritate me, it's not tat easy. I'll still say "Hello" in my sweetest voice, as you've heard over the phone, coz i pity tat you're sick in ur mind and you need professional help~ *tsk tsk*

你好可怜哦！！！

Fishing. Fun? Not fun?

2005-07-24T22:37:00.000+08:00

gosh~ i actually went fishing on a Sat nite! haha.. Nigel's idea~ he's a fishing enthusiast. His brother jio him, and he asked me along. i thot, i shall give it a try, maybe it's not tat bad, in the end, i was still bored stiff. Luckily i bought a novel to keep me company. But at least they caught something, so it's not a wasted trip. ;P

i learnt something new last nite... there's actually a lot of knowledge and equipments to fishing~ there's actually something to hold the rod after they cast so they dun have to keep holding it... i feel like an idiot when i asked his brother wat's tat and he replied. LoL~

if i hang out more with Nigel, i think i'll have more fishing trips to look forward to. Not tat i really look forward to it, coz i dun have much patience, but tat's his hobby. He got so much stuff in his room tat's for fishing~

sick again today... had a flu the whole day~ sigh! perhaps a caught a cold last nite ba. it's quite chilly sitting by the shore the whole nite. End of it, i was dozing off, and with a headache coz i was feeling tired and cold.

It's like a monthly routine to be down with a cold and have a sore throat. I'm quite sick of it alr. I stopped popping Vitamin C after my hospital trip coz i'm quite scare~ Have a major phobia of pills now. Maybe tat's why i'm falling sick again. Think i shld start eating my Vit C again. :)

Paid to be a VASE...

2005-07-21T18:21:00.000+08:00

been working at Raffles Place for the past 3 days from 11am to 2pm. Basically, i'm juz there to be a VASE! there's not much to do, or rather, we're not supposed to do too much, except stand there and smile. It's for the IPO of Maple Tree Logistics Trust. I was there to distribute the prospectus, and really, we only stand there and "distribute".

We're not allow to do any form of selling, and tat includes [1] cannot hand out the prospectus, so we cannot physically take the book and pass to the people. They have to take from the table themselves. [2] We cannot answer any questions abt the trust, only allow to tell them, refer to the prospectus for more information. Basically, my job scope is to stand there and tell people tat "the offer closes on Friday 8am". We juz keeep repeating tat to whoever takes the book... EASY job~ Only requirement is tat we need to put on makeup and look well-groomed. And i was paid very very well, for this simple job~

On yesterday and Tues, i actually have lectures starting at 2pm, so i was late for both days~ but at least i turned up. ;P

Yesterday evening, I went to Funz' place for a house party. Her housemate and cousin whipped up lotsa delicious food and invited quite a lot of friends over~ but i dunno anyone of them except for Funz, her sister - Weisum and her sister's fren. Was glad to see Funz home a little earlier than her usual. Sorta worried for her, coz her working style is scary~ Workaholic! no point nagging at her, she gotta control her own time and slowly get back to normal. Spending 12 - 14hrs everyday at the office is really not healthy. And i heard sometimes, it's even more than tat~ sigh!

Intended to go to Club Momo after the house party actually, but i was lazy. And i promised someone tat i will not go since he's not ard... juz an impromptu cheeky promise, but i held my end of the deal. But still, i went out till late nite, coz i met Chiron and Anthony for coffee.

went to the Jurong East library today after work. I like being in the library. Gives me a sense of peace? i like the quietness... hahaha~ After reaching home from the library, Dad asked me to drive him to Thomson to collect his lorry. Now tat my brother is not helping him at work anymore, he gotta drive the lorry on his own. So i drove him there and gets to drive to school later. Good~ i can start thinking where to go after lecture... muahahaha~

Interesting Quotes

2005-07-18T11:56:00.000+08:00

I was reading through my collection of quotes today and these two quotes juz stands out to me today... And so, here goes!

Saying goodbye doesn't mean anything. It's the time we spent together that matters, not how we left it.

Style is knowing who you are, what you want to say and not giving a damn.
-- Gore Vidal

my weekend~ =)

2005-07-17T18:43:00.000+08:00

this weekend is a busy but fulfilling one! I met Jordan for coffee on Friday afternoon... Finally he's back from Thailand, but only for a short period of time. He's leaving again on Tuesday.

Jordan's my buddy from Singapore Poly days... our friendship started becoz he helped me when i was struggling with my 1st project in DMSE course, under this module called DGVA. I was supposed to do a short video clip using pics and transitions effects, adding a little music and stuff. And i was totally lost... LoL~ and being a kind soul, Jordan helped me... from then on, we had a friendship gng on even though plenty of our peers dun really like him coz of his queerish personality (or so they said). although we seldom hang out together a lot, we remain close friends throughout the years in poly. We can talk abt anything and everything. Nowadays, i only get to see him when he's not in Thailand~ He's serving his NS over there...

After that, we went to Suntec to look for Roland. Roland's my ex-bf from some time back. He's a good-looking egomanic! always saying tat he'll make it BIG in the modelling world someday. hahaha... i wish him good luck!! I introduced the both of them when we were still a couple and they kept in contact even after me and Roland's off... Roland's working at Suntec and since we had nothing to do, we went down to look for him while waiting for Don to meet me for dinner~

i was supposed to be working at nite but the Carlsberg promo was cancelled last min and i was quite mad at them coz the agency informed me quite late. I feel tat it's rather irresponsible of them. Met Don for dinner at Suntec Marché... Dinner was great~ initially i was getting quite impatient coz i waited for some time, but i guess it's a small thing, so after he turned up, i'm ok..

after dinner, was down at Starlight again... not much people there on Friday night. But guess it's fine with me, coz i get to sing more songs without waiting for so long? LoL~ Roland went with me, iaN was there as well. after Starlight, met Chiron for supper at Blk 503 for supper, but in the end i din eat. I was so tired that i slept till 6pm on Sat!!

Woke up juz to prepare to go to Club Momo again~ =P

Went there with Amy and Kevin~ it's been such a long time since i've seen Kevin!! kinda miss the days where we hang out and eat ice-cream with Xiaojun~ ;)

Everything was fun on Sat night.. lots of my frens were there~ but still one same complaint~ the dance floor is too damn crowded! Don told me tat Toni&Guy had a hair show there before i reached, and i juz feel kinda funny~ Initially i wanted to go earlier for the hair show, in the end, decided not to. same industry ma, wat to expect right? my heart still skips a beat~ Amy understands totally how i feel...

I got to know 2 new people tat nite - Jonathan and Nigel... Jonathan juz happens to be next to us all the time we're there, so i talked to him since he's sitting next to me. And Nigel is a fren of a guy whom i know from Momo on Wed nite - name's Alvin. Nigel seems like a really nice guy though...

After Momo, we went for supper at Havelock Road - Teochew Porridge... Kevin said they're robbers coz it's always very expensive to eat there? so amusing~ this kinda food is always this price one ma~

Don and I actually really went jogging this morning as promised!! 1st time i wake up so early juz to go jogging AFTER a clubbing nite~ so proud of myself?! actually, Don had a hard time waking me up i think.. =P we went to West Coast Park for a jog, then had MacDonald's breakfast there. Been some time since i had Mac's breakfast. Last time i went was abt a month back, with EL... we went for a swim after jogging~ so healthy!! LoL~ we act one la, in the end, we were juz dipping in the jacuzzi pool. so much for swimming~ heez! =D

back home and did my chores~ plenty of it to be done ard the house, coz me and mum have been slacking~ juz finished laundry and vacuuming the floor... taking a short break now *griNz*

MSE Reflection Journal due tmr!! i haven't started... hmm~ i feel so lazy eh... ='(

Club Momo

2005-07-14T23:47:00.000+08:00

Went to Club Momo last nite despite all the comments i heard from some of my frens regarding tat place~ And i had a good experience on my 1st time there... *wiNkz*

Club Momo's cool with great music... It's quite spacious with 3 pool tables and a couple of bar counters. i dunno exact number coz i din walk ard much, abt 5 i think... The dance floor's quite crowded all the time though, coz it's quite small~ But luckily Vivien's frens had a table last nite, so we had our private space to dance at. The toilets have sofa inside~ like the club toilets in Melbourne... =)

all night long free flow of housepour for ladies on Wednesday nites... Till 5am! heez... i drank my fill last nite. But the bartenders seem to ignore me after a while, coz i keep asking for drinks?

think it'll be the place to be for the next couple of weeks till i'm sick of it? LoL~ Overall, I like Club Momo!! *griNz*

My SIM frens all left earlier than me... And i din even notice tat some of them left! =( coz i was having so much fun dancing, socialising, and walking ard the club meeting groups of other frens... EL came down to Momo as well, with his frens but his frens all left early and he waited for me. We left ard 3am after Amy's fren came down to fetch her. I'm only worried abt her coz she's gng thru a rough patch recently...

Leaving the club, on the way home, we almost had a car accident, not becoz he was drunk... But becoz he was speeding! hmpff! went into the tunnel too fast and while negotiating the corner, the car skidded. We heard a loud bang on the right side of the car and we thought most prob jialat liao. then he had a hard time trying to get the car back on track. after we stopped and checked the car, amazingly, there were not even scratches... phew~ but i think the rims and wheels alignment shld be affected ba. i dunno for sure though coz i was already in shock...

Luckily both of us were ok. But i was in shock and burst out crying! think i frightened him with my crying~ but he gave me the feeling tat he's more worried abt his car than abt me... and i dun really appreciate tat fact~ =P

Other than the little accident, i enjoyed myself last nite~ Club Momo, anyone?

BeautifulPeople.Net

2005-07-14T16:48:00.000+08:00

yesterday morning, i went to this interview at Amoy St with this company called FulFord Public Relations. My fren, Shirley introduced me this promoter job - it is to promote a website for Beautiful People It's quite an interesting concept actually.

This website is a place for beautiful people to network. It is exclusive to beautiful people ONLY... Who decides who will be in this exclusive "club"?? They are the members themselves. Being beautiful themselves and already gained access to the club, they will get to vote each new applicant and eventually the votes will tell whether the applicant is consider beautiful and fit to join this exclusive club... a very daring and controversial idea!

But i personally feel that once they start to charge, it's juz be another online community site tat will eventually fail... Singapore's community is too small to form this kinda exclusive club. The culture is not like Denmark, UK and US. Over here, the beautiful people are already friends, and they mostly all hang out at Velvet Underground already~ who needs to network further using a website?!?! =P

If these next few weeks, someone walk over to you and pass you the card above tat says "YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. But are you prepare to put it to the test?" It's most probably me or my colleagues~ pls take the card and be gracious abt the compliment tat we're giving you, coz we're told to be very selective and only beautiful people gets the card. LoL~

i wonder if i'm not working for this website, will they actually pass me this card on the streets? hmmm.... i'll definitely join the website and see whether i'll be voted in, or kicked out~ hahahahahaha!!

later in the evening i'll be working for this job from 7pm - 10pm... Hope it'll be fun coz now i have the perfect excuse to walk up to good-looking guys and talk to them~ muahaahaa~!!

wat a day~! wat an idiot~!

2005-07-13T02:36:00.000+08:00

I woke up intending to meet Anthony for a swim today only to be greeted by the dark clouds and raindrops outside my windows. Sigh~ so no swimming for me, and back to bed. in the end, got a phone call from my god-bro, Desmond to go town and hangout and chill... he promised lunch and dinner on him! muahahaa~

we went to Sakae Sushi for lunch and was walking ard town juz killing time, when i decided i wanna catch a movie! we caught Fantastic Four!! and it's a really great show~

Johnny Storm is simply gorgeous~!! *droolz*

His character - Human Torch is my fav in this show~ snap snap fingers can produce fire! can fly ard and show off... sounds like my kinda thing~ LoL!!

Invisible Girl is damn cool as well, so i dun mind being her and having her powers coz her powers are the same as my fav character - Violet, in The Incredibles~

after the movie, we went to one of my fav restaurants - Din Tai Feng to have dinner~ a very very late dinner! haahaa~ i thot of wat Don told me, Din Tai Fung is actually under the same boss as BreadTalk...

Once, me and WT went to Din Tai Feng and he said the same thing~ i thot he was bluffing at tat time! I remembered telling him, the concept of Din Tai Fung's open kitchen is the same as BreadTalk, i wonder whether the boss copied the concept from BreadTalk. And WT said, they're using the same flour as BreadTalk~ I asked him how he know, he still say, coz BreadTalk and Din Tai Fung's boss are good frens~ duhz!! i was taken in for a moment! hmmm... now thinking back, i still dunno whether he really know tat BreadTalk and Din Tai Feng have the same boss~

After all tat, he came home with me and collected some installation CDs and i went to his house to help him fixed his computer... very very last min~ and very very late alr actually.. And i tried until 2am but i still can't get all his virus out coz 364 files infected! =x i think Desmond surf too much porn la~ LoL! j/k... He was on the phone with his fren the whole time i was there~ and he seems to be under a lot of stress coz of tat girl... hao ke lian!

i'm under a lot of stress as well, coz a fren's gf called me tonite! sigh~ I got this nauseous feeling when i heard, "i'm XXX's gf" i had this great sense of déjà vu~ why am i always in this kinda shitty situation~ not once, not twice! it's a lot of times!!!!

is it my character? i only treat guys as FRIENDS... get the facts right ok! if i go out with a guy, i treat him as a fren, if he wanna think otherwise, then dun go out with me!! i believe in plainly platonic friendship between guys and girls. Like the friendship between me and my buddy, Anthony and my god-bro, Desmond etc... so, i see nothing wrong with going out with guys BUT i hate it when they say they like me and then cannot take rejection well... Then it spoils the friendship!!! And make me feel tat i'm not worth being a fren with, only some target to be pursued!!

my fren actually went to tell the gf tat he likes me... *i'm gonna faint!* Now it appears as if i go into their relationship intentionally. first qns she asked me is, "do you know wat you have done?" FUCK! pls! get ur facts right! i NEVER EVER did the pursuing AND i kept saying "NO!" to him already lor, so it's got nothing to do with my choice~ it's HIS choice tat he likes me! i got no control over this as well... after what i've juz been through, who in the right mind will wanna be tangled in this kinda web of deception AGAIN?!?! use ur brain can~!!!

Leave me outta this shit alright~ i've got more than enough worries and troubles on my mind already... i'm so fucking angry, coz i hate it when others accused me! if you cannot control ur bf, pls dun accuse others of snatching him away~ if he loves you tat much, he won't stray~ duhz!! put him on a lease~!!

still very angry tat all this is happening AGAIN!!!! arrgghhh!!!

constant companionship

2005-07-11T23:55:00.000+08:00

i visited my fren's dad in NUH last nite. He got stroke and was semi-conscious when i visited him. It's really sad to see him like tat. Makes me realised life is so so fragile... and tat there's lots more to life than wat i'm gng thru...

i had lunch with EL today at Clementi and then he sent me to sch for lecture. Although i reached there on time, which is RARE~ i sat outside after the break till the lecture ends with my frens, juz chatting... we were happily chit chatting and planning our get-together party on wed nite~ We intended to go to Club Momo after having dinner together @ Fish & Co, Dhoby Ghaut branch, the one next to Park Mall with a huge LOVE structure in front of it... i wonder if all of them will turn up or someone will last min be pilot and "fly aeroplane"... hahaha~

i missed being in their company~ when i was in Melbourne, we were all hanging out together everyday~ there was so much fun and laughter... constant companionship~ we became from acquaintance/lecture mates to fast-bonding FRIENDS~ in the short 3 weeks of staying together and hanging out everyday, we learnt abt each others' personality, emotions, temper and weird habits etc... we learnt how to tackle each other when there's tension and we became quite tuned to each others' feelings and emotions... which is GOOD, considering tat it's our last semester alr. Soon, we'll be parting and, meeting up only once a while, coz we'll be busy with our own lives. So we gotta arrange more of this kinda outings before graduation!

Juz like me and my poly girl-frens.. I always miss them~ But getting everyone to come out is always so hard to arrange, coz of our schedule... Hope we'll have a get-together real soon~ it's been a long time since we have dinner together GIRLS!

I need the time... =)

2005-07-10T01:47:00.000+08:00

late again today~ for sch i mean... I was too tired from last nite and woke up late again. i think i'm getting old, coz i can't take long hours well now. i juz get so so tired by the end of the day. last semester, i can go without sleep coz of sch and work for days, and only sleep during the one or two free days tat i scheduled myself PER MONTH~ =/ Now, one long day, and i already feel so exhausted..

today's lecture is really stressful. we have to come up with our main research theme and questions for our DPP2 project and get the "contract" signed by the lecturer by the end of the day. And we haven't even discussed at all plus i reached sch late~ my fren, Amy who's in the same group as me, looked so stressed out when i arrived in sch... coz our fren, Vivien the 3rd member, was not in sch, coz she have swollen eyes~ hao ke lian... so she's ALL ALONE till i arrived, her look is priceless~ But luckily, we managed to get everything sorted out between both our brains in a short time. The contract was signed and mission accomplished~ yeah!

During my lunch break, i received this msg from a lady named Rachel, and her start of the msg is "Hi this is Rachel from Next Salon recommended by WT"... and i drop tears immediately. HA~ it's interesting even to myself why the tears came. [1] it's the first time since we no longer contact each other tat i even hear or see his name in full from anyone [2] he told me once tat only he will do my hair for me and no one else, so he won't allow his fellow stylist frens to cut my hair.. (and i did find it special in a cute way back then) So the fact tat he passed my number to some other stylist, it means it's no longer special... [3] i really do miss him tat much.

i know the story between us is history a long time back already and time will heal every kinda wounds... I believe no matter wat everyone tell me or advice me to do, i will need the time to really forget this person. i will definitely be upset for a while, coz i do love him in my own way, and he does affect me... after every failed relationship, it's normal to take some time to let oneself forget and carry on. Right? Who don't anyway? unless tat person dun really wanna be in tat relationship in the 1st place, then they'll find another person and get attached after a few days - "juz to be in a relationship", right? tat's wat i think~ some pple break up from even shorter relationships and "grieve" for even a longer time...

My frens tell me tat eventually i'll find someone better. And based on my character and maybe looks as well, i'll always have lotsa other guys going after me. I believe in tat too... And who knows, my soulmate might already be near me?! haahaa~ Life goes on, lectures continue, assignments need to be handed in, work goes on as well... but right now, WT still stands a huge place in my heart and in my memories. But life goes on for me... Time will help~ Juz like 2.5yrs back, YM stands a huge place in my heart for the longest time. And till now, he's always still in my memory~

after sch, i went to Clementi MacDonald's to have dinner ALL ALONE~ haahaa... coz my reporting location was Clementi Partyworld @ 630pm, so i went to grab a quick bite and went upstairs to report for work. today's work is very very relaxing, coz Partyworld dun have much customers drinking beer actually. We are basically juz walking along the corridors and popping our heads into the rooms once in a while... Went to Clementi branch - Bishan branch - Chinatown branch and last stop Orchard branch. Roving is more relaxing coz we get driven ard, and a lot of time is wasted travelling in the car and stuck in traffic jams, and still get paid~ =P But of coz, when we're at the location, we worked hard k... juz tat some locations, we juz cannot do much sales. Everyone knows tat when we go KTV, we seldom order a lot of beer~ most of the customers are non-drinkers... So was a bit tough~

after work, i was walking to Somerset MRT station when i decided to sit down on one of the stone benches along the way to find my handphones in my bag~ (i have a really huge bag) And i was actually sitting beside this "auntie" dressed sexily... In the midst of my frantic search for my handphones, i heard her "chase" up to an angmoh and ask "you want young lady, sir?" i was totally freaked out and immediately stand up and rush off... i din know she's conducting "business" along the streets~ i dunno why but i felt embarrassed... =P

took the train home and on the way, i was reading my novel and giggling to myself (coz of the book), and the people sitting in front of me muz be thinking i'm CRAZY~

I reached home pretty early today (12.05am), and intend to sleep early. beginning to worry abt my MSE Reflection Journal assignment~ sigh! maybe i'll start tmr since i got nothing to do tmr... i wanna sleep in LATE and get my rest! Finally... *smiLez*

school started.. work as well

2005-07-09T02:36:00.000+08:00

Finally school started, and work started together with school as well~ my frens were commenting tat since i dun really need the money, perhaps i shld take a break from work coz they're worried abt me. But i guessed, i feel the responsibility to work and earn more instead of staying home and be a bummer... afterall, savings will deplete very fast if i dun work~ i feel tat i've rested enough and i do wanna earn back the thousand dollars tat flew away coz i can't work for THAT particular 4 days...

1st day of school (yesterday) was a typical 1st day for me... i woke up LATE (1030am instead of 8am) even though i had 3 frens calling me and 2 of them actually called twice~ 对,我是猪... haahaa! i reached during break time, and i reach on time to go in during the break ONLY becoz EL drove me to school, else i think i'll reached during lunch time instead... my frens in sch ain't surprised.. they were more surprised tat i actually turn up for lecture~ LoL! maybe tat's how bad my record was for lecture attendance.

after a full day of class, i'm really feeling groggy from too much info.. I hate DPP's workshop, coz they always repeat themselves over and over again, nagging and nagging non stop over the same issue.. sigh~ BAD MANAGEMENT?!?! =P

after class, i went to town with the agenda to buy a pair of black heeled court shoes for my Carlsberg Promo job~ I managed to get the job and worked tonite and will be working tmr nite as well... after choosing the court shoes from Heatwave, a store in Far East Plaza, the salesgirl tempted me to buy another pair by saying, "$4 off the next item" with a big bright smile~ *sob sob* I was so easily influenced and i bought another pair of white heels... muahahaha!

after buying the shoes, i walked ard a little more and bought a white cardigan, the exact same design as my purple one... coz i like the cutting ma! waste of money actually, coz i seriously dun need another white cardigan~ =/ BUT it's on sale ma~ so tat makes it a good buy, since i like the cutting... right?! *smuG*

after "shopping", i still had time on hand before my dinner appt with Willy, a fren i know from IT Show 2004 @ Suntec Convention Hall when i was working for Creative Zen Mirco. I din expect my shoppin to be done so fast actually. So i went to Raffles City to look for my fren, Celia who is working there, in order to kill tat 1.5hr in between. Cafe Cartel for dinner, and had a chat with him, coz haven't seen him for a long while... more than 4 months i think~

after dinner, we went to Balaclava to look for my frens, Mexz and Benson. They jio me go chill and drink~ promising an early nite, so i went.. we had a great time there! Balaclava's still my fav place to chill... Mexz took the WT's photo tat i kept in my wallet all the time. he said i shouldn't be still keeping tat pic in my wallet, even though i said i never take it out and see ma.. i thot he was joking when he confiscated tat photo, but in the end, he really never return it to me~ hmmm... we all headed home ard 1130pm, which is really early actually. But it's a good choice, coz i got class in the morning...

after Balaclava last nite, i had the horrible experience of almost blacking out in the toilet when i'm home.. till now, i dunno wat caused it. I was removing my makeup halfway in the toilet when i feel very very dizzy and everything juz spin ard me. i almost juz collapsed onto the ground. Everything juz blurred all of a sudden and i could feel myself losing conscious. But i "control" enough to allow myself to at least sit down slowly, instead of falling straight down. after sitting down and leaning against the wall for the longest time, (i seriously can't remember how long,) finally someone walked to the toilet and i managed to get "rescued" by my family member.. i couldn't even walked to my room, and i need to be carried. i know i'm not drunk coz i only had one and a half pint of Stella. i juz dunno what caused it...

today, i was still late for school. But earlier a bit la... i reached at 10am! but class suppose to start at 930am la. i was still feeling dizzy this morning actually so i kinda lie my head down all the way during lecture... coz everytime i move my head, the world spins. luckily, i feel much better by lunch time.

after another tiring and taxing full day class, i went to town to meet my god-bro, Desmond for dinner. We had Mos Burger and chat a little. he seems to be pretty troubled these days as well. After tat, i reported for work at Hard Rock Cafe~ it's the 1st time i do the "private jet contest" promo for them. We wore "stewardess" uniform which is green in colour~ Carlsberg's colours... personally, i think the uniform is quite nice actually~ we ran 4 places tonite - Hard Rock Cafe, Wisma IndoChine, Shanghai Disco (which is last time's Canto) and Emerald Hill's pubs. i prefer to do roving coz most of the time, we'll be travelling ard in the car, so got time to relax~ *griNz*

after knocking off, Don came to give me a ride home. But we went for porridge at Havelock Rd 1st, coz both of us were starving.. And i juz have to write everything down before i go Zzz... good nitez! ;)

To WT: Happiness

2005-07-07T01:59:00.000+08:00

i bought a card from Gold Coast Dream World... it's like a motivational card. When i see it, i was thinking of WT. That was when he already started avoiding me by not returning my msgs and not picking up my calls... At tat time, i only wished he found Happiness.

And so, i bought the card even though i feel tat a single card like tat priced at AUD3.90 is a little ridiculous... But i juz find the words so touching.

And so, dedicated to WT...

Happiness

May you have enough happiness
to keep you smiling
Enough trials to keep you strong
Enough sorrow to keep you human
Enough hope to keep you happy
Enough failure to keep you humble
Enough success to keep you eager
Enough friends to give you comfort
Enough enthusiam to look forward
Enough faith to banish depression
Enough determination to
make each day better than yesterday

Sing till we drop

2005-07-07T00:47:00.000+08:00

it's actually a fren's birthday today~ his name is Roland~ and i wanna wish him a HAPPY BIRTHDAY! may all your wishes come true~! *muaCkz*

i went to KBOX with Anthony today~ initially, we intend to sing from 11am to 2pm. In the end, the waiter asked whether we wanna extend and sing till 7pm and they'll only charge for one person. And so, we extended! LoL~ we sang till 6pm, which is 7 hours straight! there's only 2 of us... Sing till i'm so sick of singing now~

i'm actually looking for this song by Jay Chou but i forgot the title... The MTV is abt this genie in his mobile phone who suggested to him how to make his gf who is angry with him, to forgive him, by taking silly pictures and sending it to her mobile... Then in the end, after getting back together with his gf, he still carry on taking pics, but sending it to the genie instead... how ar? anyone knows? the last time i saw it, was during a KBOX session with Jeffy, which is a long long time ago~ Towards the end of the session, Anthony and me tried to find it by choosing all the Jay Chou's songs... But we still cannot find it! kinda frustrating and disappointing~

after singing, Anthony gave me a ride to Cityhall to meet Celia for dinner... in the end, we travelled to West Mall to eat instead. West Mall reminds me of EL, coz juz recently we went there together to eat and i bought a korean serial drama VCDs called <<大长今>> for my mum.

had a good catching up session with Celia, talking abt everything yet like nothing. juz typical girls talk really~ after dinner, i headed home, intending to have an early nite.. In the end, EL appeared under my block, giving me a surprise~ ;D So i went downstairs, sat in his car and chit chat... another talk abt everything, but yet nothing session..

i like being in EL's company, coz like me, he can talk a lot of rubbish... "有的讲,才有的笑"~ meaning, "when there's chatter, then there's laughter" I cannot stand being with someone who [1]only talks abt himself [2]always only make fun of others [3]DUN TALK and juz act cool...

EL gives me a comfortable feeling, like I've known him for a long time, when in actual fact, we know each other for only a very short time... we almost never have an awkward moment when we're hangin out together. *griNz*

school's gonna start tmr~ i got this terrible feeling tat i'll definitely be late. i've mention to 3 of my frens to give me a morning call at 8am.. i wonder if i can make it on time for lecture on the 1st day~ haahaa! Start of school with 3 full days of workshop for DPP2 scheduled right in the beginning... i think i will concuss with too much info jammed into my brain~ see how it goes tmr ba... =

no idea wat to write as title?

2005-07-05T23:53:00.000+08:00

I still have nothing much to do everyday.. sch is not starting yet~ another 2 more days of boredom for me? I went swimming (again...) with EL. last min decision! woke up coz he called and i suggested swimming coz he said he have some free time and he dun feel like working~ LoL... i've never met anyone with so much "free" time when it's time to be working... ;P

I swam 20 laps~ proud of my accomplishment k! even though it's not a lot, i was alr panting like mad... becoz i've been lazy~ these days, trips to the pool are for sunbathing, therefore i'm becoming more and more flabby. =P

i swam and swam today coz i have a lot of stuff clogging up my mind. Going to the pool makes me think of WT actually and i still miss him. it's been some time now, yet i still feel weird and there are still times where i feel like picking up the phone and msg-ing him. And then i'll juz feel so incredibly stupid and place my phone down. alright... i shall stop b4 i cry again...

my buddy, Anthony also turn up at the pool and he swam a little... and i really mean a little ONLY! then he SLACK~ LoL! EL left early and went back to work. Ant and I suntan till 3pm then went to have KFC. kaoz~ effort wasted for swimming.. shld have juz lie there and BBQ myself.

Anthony told me tat he wrote something for me on his blog and told me to go read it. it's titled, "The Angel, The Star and a Promise" i read it and i cried. sigh~ Ant always write stuff tat touched me deeply... :')

i'm kinda disappointed in myself coz i've been wasting $11 every time to feed my newfound habit. And there i was telling my frens in Melbourne, i will not get hooked.. But then again, i haven't find the determination yet, coz i'm still pretty tensed up. Maybe when i'm totally ok, and feel the tension in me no longer there. I will stop the $11 habit~ ;)

EL came over to my place, and my elder bro kinda taught him how to use his O2 mini.. tat was not the plan actually, he was juz here to visit and accompany ME. And also to use my handphone memory card reader to load songs into his O2 mini...

i've been thinking abt sch reopenin and the amount of sch work tat i need to complete but almost forgotten.. sigh~ hope everything will work out juz fine for me.. hope tat i'll find peace and do my work.. arrgghhh~~

我好烦！！！

Who reads?!

2005-07-05T02:49:00.000+08:00

i went to have supper with Anthony.. Was complaining to him tat my gastric is working up again. Sigh~ in the end, i can't eat anything except drink Milo~ the feeling sucks big time.. how can i make myself feel better huh?

after the supper session with Anthony, i came home and went online.. looking at my own blog, i feel kinda weird. nowadays, i dun post my stuff up immediately. I still write, but i dun post it up until i feel tat it's way past time and it's already history.

tonite i know a fren reads my blog. And sometimes i write abt him. So it juz makes me wonder wat if his frens read abt him on my blog.. will it get him into trouble? afterall, i really dunno who reads my blog... sometimes, i seriously wonder who reads my blog. does my blog affect anyone out there? will wat i write get someone else into trouble? will my frens mind tat i write abt them?

But i know, since i wanna write abt my stuff, i gotta be prepared tat a lot of pple will be reading... so everyone keep on smiling, coz i will keep on smiling and keep on writing! *wiNkz*

Why do I feel like this?

2005-07-04T22:17:00.000+08:00

it's times like this tat i feel lonely.. in my room, sitting in front of my computer, nothing much to do at home.. or rather, dun feel like doing anything at all. TV's on, programs are running on TV, but i'm not paying attention to it, coz i juz dun feel like doing anything. Not even chatting with frens. i tried reading my romance novel, but find it hard to concentrate.

my family's in the living room. i could join them. but i juz dun feel like it. maybe tat's why i go out with my frens everyday. from the time i wake up, till i come home exhausted and juz go to bed straight. Somehow I juz need the companionship of frens everyday. I need people ard me all the time. tat's why i go to school, hang out with frens, work and party till late. i juz cannot be left alone. loneliness always finds it way to crept on to me if i'm alone. And i can't stand loneliness....

i know my family and my frens care abt me, but sometimes, even though i know tat, i still feel alone. i dun understand why as well. i made the choice to stay home tonite coz i'm feeling physically tired and the last few days, i've been downing too much beer. it's not good for health, considering my state now. But i can't stop it. most times, i juz wanna be out there on the streets, and i dun really care with who and doing what. in SG, at nite, there's almost nothing to do except drinking. Since i want to be out, so i get my frens to go drinking with me.

tonite, i could be out. coz a fren did asked me out for dinner. But i din wanna go, coz i'm tired. Yet now, i feel so darn bored at home. sigh~

From HK

2005-07-01T03:04:00.000+08:00

i had to get frens to wake me up today @ 845am for the Carlsberg interview coz of last nite.. luckily Don offered to send me to the interview, else i'll sure be late! coz i overslept as usual..

the interview with Carlsberg went on quite well i think.. it's like seeing old frens again, coz the moment i walked in, the sales team there recognised me and the usual greetings was quite happy~ been some time since i see them... But they did raise the concern tat they wanna have taller girls this time round, so if i dun get the job, it'll be becoz they can't get anyone suitable to pair with me~ ie, another short girl to pair with me~ hahaha~ =P

After the interview, Don and I went to Wheelock Place's Sakae Sushi for lunch~ and we saw something quite amusing~ the sushi plates on the belt actually had an "accident" and all jammed up, ending up in a "crash" and toppled all over the counter~ they had to stop the belt to fixed it... I find it amusing really~ so i helped to space out the plates when it passes me. I know it's a little redundant, but i think i'm being HELPFUL~ LoL!

After lunch, we went to Borders to buy my organizer. I've been using this organizer by paperchase brought from Borders from last July.. Their organizer is specially catered for tertiary students i think, coz it starts in July 2004 and ends June 2005... I went to buy the 2005/2006 one. The colours remaining sucks. my 2004/2005 one was baby blue, this time round i had to get a striped one. Not very happy abt it, but i like the way the pages and stuff are organised inside the book, so i still brought one.

After tat, I went to the Changi Airport to pick up Adrian. A fren from HK coming here to see me. He's living at The Gallery Hotel. After checking in, i brought him to town to walk ard, drink coffee, meet my buddy and had dinner~

After dinner, i brought him to Boat Quay - Starlight coz iaN will be there. So i thot, it's a good idea to intro them both.. One more fren to help me keep Adrian entertained~ *griNz* I went over to Rav coz Don was there with his frens. Went over to say hello, and realised his frens are all crazy drinkers. But luckily they're drinking whiskey with green tea, so it's easier. His frens are very good at five-ten - a finger-guessing game... And so, some new frens made - Desmond, Francis and Adeline.

Ended the nite quite early, coz my mum keeps calling me. And at 2am, she got my dad to call~ hahaha... think tat's the final warning, and so i came straight home! so much for tonite. supposed to wake up for sunbathing with Adrian tmr morning.. I seriously doubt i can wake up. But i'll try my best~ *poof

Zouk afterall...

2005-06-30T03:13:00.000+08:00

and there it goes... i did turn up at Zouk afterall~ was feeling so damn lazy, coz i had to go down myself initially, BUT in the end, i managed to persuade my younger bro, Alan to send me there... Actually, i asked him in front of his gf, and my pretty, sweet "sis-in-law" will insist tat he send me down~ muahaha... i like her alot, coz of her personality really... she's someone who will be a fren worth keeping no matter wat happens...

i'm becoming pretty spoilt coz frens' been giving me rides all around and i became so lazy to take the public transport. And it actually affects my decision on whether to go out. it's like, if no one's fetching me, i juz wanna stay home.. It's a very very bad habit i know and it's WRONG~ so, i better do something abt it...

went to the winebar to have drinks. maybe becoz the mood is not there, and i'm feeling kinda tired so i din really enjoyed myself.. dunno why, but i was hoping to see someone there, but he's not there. not someone impt to me, but juz a link... mayb deep down inside, i juz wanna know how WT's doing now and tis person is a link.. the whole situation sounds wrong even to me... But heck la...

went into Phuture to look for Icedoom coz he's there... met Jeffy on the way in. somehow it feels weird to see him. maybe i'm not used to seeing him on TV and his face splashed over magazines and newspapers... hahaha~

Another fren, Don was sweet as well.. he offered to come send me home if my frens aren't gng to. i appreciate tat really.. thanks! *griNz*

Left Zouk ard 2.30am... so much for an early nite tat i planned for myself~ =X

i'm gng to wash up and SLEEP now... i got an interview with Carlsberg tmr at 11am. Hope i get the promo jobs~ dead broke now...

Final Checkup OVER

2005-06-29T20:41:00.000+08:00

went swimming with EL @ Jurong East Swimming Complex this morning~ i'm feeling super tired actually, but i wanna catch the sun for some sunbathing, so i forced myself to wake up and go to the pool... EL obliged and accompanied me. haha~ poor him.. coz he's tired too. we stayed up chatting till almost dawn. we reached the pool @ 11am! tat's pretty early for me. swam like only 4 laps then i'm bored alr. Juz lie there and suntan for like 2 hrs.. saw my sec sch mate, Yiqiang there. wat a coincidence~

i'm pretty tan now! heez... went over to his place to fix his computer for him~ or rather juz install some anti-virus programs for him coz he's quite an IT idiot? LoL~ din managed to help him fixed much, but found out his comp is flooded with spywares and adwares... LIKE MINE NOW! sigh~!

then he sent me to Alexandra Hospital for my follow-up health checkup which is at 330pm. On the way there, i was feeling so so moody. Coz the place brings back BAD memories i guessed. And i'm worried tat they might prick me with needles again... =P

Luckily they didn't.. But i was informed tat i have this thing call "alpha thalassemia trait"

What is alpha thalassemia?
Thalassemia is an inherited disorder that affects the production of normal hemoglobin (a type of protein in red blood cells that carries oxygen to the tissues of the body). Thalassemia includes a number of different forms of anemia. The severity and type of anemia depends upon the number of genes that are affected.

As if i really understand?!?!?! actually, it's juz a form of low blood count tat i inherited... LoL! but one interesting finding - if i married someone with this trait as well, our kids will have 25% of having a serious case of low blood count. So next time, have to ask the guy i'm dating whether he has this trait, if have, then NEXT! j/k...

And then i found out i have 57mg/ml of Paracetamol aka acetaminophen in my blood! it's supposed to be a lot... the doctor told me tat explains the gastric problems i'm having now. coz the body takes time to clear itself of this crap... basically, the gastric pain is killing me slowly everyday, making me lose my usual gigantic appetite, seeping away my energy! hmpfff! :/

So still, no extreme food for me... not too spicy, not too hot, not too cold, not too full, cannot dun eat, blah blah blah~ duhz! stupid "advice"... But i self-declare, no alcohol for me! muahahahaa~ like real eh? my buddy, Icedoom will say this - ya right! when pigs do synchronised swimming, Tricia will quit drinking...

I'm feelin much better now after the checkup and i'm officially discharged... might sound weird, but i guessed, after this final checkup, it's time to close tat chapter of my life and move on. tat's why i felt much better when i walked out of the building. Everyone goes thru bad phrases or have bad experiences at one point in their life. This is it for me... But I strongly believe life will get better for me. *smiLez*

after the checkup, we went for lunch @ Ngee Ann Poly. Down the memory lane for him. tat's where he's studying formerly. passed by my sch - SIM and get reminded tat i have journals due very soon, but yet to be finished and sch is reopening in a week's time... not exactly a nice thought. sigh~

Came home after the checkup and been trying to troubleshoot my computer since... it's infected (YET AGAIN! DAMN!!) with virus again. keeps sending URLs to my MSN contacts and i cannot stop it. my AVG din picked up any threats, but it's still not fixed, coz it still sending pple URLs so i think AVG is inadequate. iaN recommended Norton and send me the link to d/l the trialware. it picked up 34 infected files and 18 at risk files. NOW i know, Norton is still the best... luckily he's gonna pass me his Norton soon.

Icedoom is disappointed coz i promised to go Eski Bar tonite, but in the end, also tua him. Had plans to go to Zouk tonite as well, but till now, i still dun have the mood... so most prob i'll give it a miss ba~ my frens there are gonna be pissed... hahaha! But heck, i can't drink, go there for wat?!?! kill time? but i'm quite sick of Zouk eh... last week i'm also there... see how it goes later ba!

A Lot Like Love...

2005-06-29T03:33:00.000+08:00

woke up early today. Von called me @ 930am to wake me up~ coz we're meeting up at Clementi at 11am... the late one is supposed to treat KBOX. haha! good way to motivate both of us. coz we're both always late? or is it juz me? hhmmm... been abt a month and a half since i last see him. i still remember he treat me to thai food at Golden Mile b4 i left for Australia. all becoz i said i wanna have nice tomyam soup b4 i leave... nice guy wor~ strongly recommended to all the gals out there. *wiNkz*

the morning routine - wake up, wash up and get outta the house is getting shorter each day for me, coz i simply refuse to apply makeup now! heez... a very good way to make myself feel BETTER~ coz i've always feel tat putting on makeup is such a chore. my fren, Amy is always trying to convince me otherwise. *griNz* it's a marvel how much faster i can be if i juz go out bare-faced. No rush, therefore won't be late... feels so good! muahahaha!!

And i was not late today! I even had time to have my lunch b4 he reached.. Today i learnt tat he like Erica Lee. Maybe it's becoz tat pic of her on Maxim is "interesting" la. We bought snacks from NTUC and hold concert at KBOX.. hahaa.. both of us went to KBOX for a while during K-Lunch. super cheap~ Then we went to Jurong Point, coz he got a "date" at nite and he wanna go home and prepare~ so CUTE!

We went to the Kopitiam outside and drink coffee like auntie/uncle.. then he left at ard 5pm, and i meet EL for food! again~ we always seem to be eating.. He came to fetch me from Jurong Point and since we can't think of where to eat. He actually drove to Old Airport Road. Kinda far for a snack i would think... but i'm not driving, he is. so i juz have to sit there and smile.. =P He had the Lao Fu Zi chay kway tiao and i have the tang yuan in peanut soup.. erm, i dunno the exact term for it la. But tat's one of my fav dessert..

After the quick "snack", he sent me home... coz he got another appointment to eat again at Jurong Point. LoL~ i juz have to laugh.. i think he din realised petrol is expensive? hmm... j/k! ;P

After his appointment, we actually met up again to go watch "A Lot Like Love" @ Jurong Point... gosh~ i've never hang out at Jurong Point so much before i think... But the movie is so so sweet~ i'm a sucker for romance. Plus ASHTON KUTCHER is such a cutie~

After movie and chit chat session, i'm finally home~ And realised now, my bloody computer is infected with worm - Mytob.hm... it juz keeps sending URL links to all my MSN contacts. sianz! MUST be my bro~ always downloading some crap~ shall scream at him tmr! too late and too tired now... juz tried AVG, but it's not really helping. i'll have to fix it tmr!

Tmr is my medical checkup at Alexandra Hospital. Hope everything is fine ba... Zzz...

For Ladies

2005-06-22T15:07:00.000+08:00

somehow this Friendster bulletin post by my fren, Amy juz strikes a cord... sigh~! i know, it's juz not meant to be... and i'll need the time to heal. it's not a problem with solutions or alternatives anymore... it's a FACT tat i gotta get over...

=======================
1. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

2. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

3. Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.

4. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

5. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends" A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

6. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better!

7. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

8. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any differently?

9. Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

10. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.

11. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

12. You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.

13. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

14. Never let a man define who you are.

15. Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

16. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs.

17. You should not be the one doing all the bending... compromise is two way street.

18. You need time to heal between relationships... there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

19. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals... look for someone complimentary... not supplementary.

20. Dating is fun... even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

21. Make him miss you sometimes... when a man always know where you are, and your always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.

22. Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man. (Hallelujah, thank you Jesus!)

23. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Share this with other ladies... You'll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare. They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.

juz be happy alright...

2005-06-22T01:55:00.000+08:00

i received a msg from him this morning... AND it juz messed me up again totally! i'm gng bonkers soon~ very very soon... crying my eyes out dun help my freaking troubled emotions much... why muz he affect me like tat?! at times i wonder, how can he affect me so much?! i'm trying my best to pick myself up now and it's NOT EASY!!!! why can't he help me out by not being so insensitive?

1st msg from him since my return is to ask me why on earth i write all those stuff i wrote... i realised i dun even have a right to miss him anymore.

sigh~ juz leave me alone since you've alr decided to leave me alright. let me find myself, recover and move on... YES I STILL MISS YOU!! but i juz wish you happiness now. Live ur life, BE HAPPY~!

he said he din check back on my blog. so most prob some moron did and "reported" to him? whoever it is, dun check back here if you dun like wat you're gng to read...

juz leave me alone... ='(

I MISS...

2005-06-21T03:20:00.000+08:00

I MISS
sitting beside him
standing beside him
walking beside him
basically juz being beside him

I MISS
talking abt nothing with him
doing silly things with him
laughing at him, with him

I MISS
going to the gym together
him coming up behind me and put his arms ard me - telling me to concentrate on my reps
him whispering naughty things into my ears when i'm concentrating on my reps - distracting me
him "forcing" me to drink his protein drink - yucks!
watching him do his reps - gorgeous, delicious...

I MISS
seeing him in his black Adidas swimming trunks - haha!
watching him take forever to adjust his swimming goggles
swimming together with him
him carrying me in the pool - i'm weightless then
sharing earphones and listening to his iPod mini with him
basking in the sun with him
watching movie with him
shopping with him - altho the way he spends his money is shocking to me

I MISS
watching him drive - when he's concentrating, it's juz so sexy
annoying him by asking "where are we going?" the moment i get into the car
drinking with him - coz i know he'll take care of me
going for food together - be it breakfast, lunch, dinner or supper...
him always filling my bowl with food - irritating?

I MISS
showering with him
him washing my hair for me
giving him a massage
him giving me a massage

I MISS
cuddling up close to him
snuggling under the blanket with him
lying in his arms watching TV
lying in his arms listening to music
lying in his arms talking abt our day
basically juz lying in his arms makes me happy...

I MISS
him wrapping his arms ard me when we're in bed, pulling me close to him
falling asleep looking at him
falling asleep safe in his arms, holding each other tight
sleeping next to him
sleeping in his arms
waking up beside him
him sprawled on top of me when he wakes up to turn off the annoying alarm clock

I MISS
ironing his clothes for him in the morning
the hug and kiss we shared before he goes off to work in the morning
him telling me tat he misses me
him telling me tat he wanna see me

I MISS
feeling him close by my side
holding hands - his hand
leaning onto him when we're standing around
him hugging me tightly against his chest
nestling my head on the curve of his shoulder
resting my cheek on his chest
him holding me tenderly when i cry

I MISS
his voice
his messages
everything HIM

I MISS
sharing laughter with him
sharing kisses with him
sharing hugs with him
sharing looks with him - it all adds to the intimacy

I MISS the intimacy we once shared...

it's all over now -
I MISS YOU...

I do feel the PAIN...

2005-05-31T11:35:00.000+08:00

Melbourne Time - 1335hr

Things affect me. Sometimes I pretend they dun. To be honest, i believe most of my fren knows that. They juz pretend wif me.

"Maybe I might appear invunerable but I still feel pain"

Adapted the above from my buddy - Icedoom... tears dropped naturally when i read his phrase. I feel for him coz this is exactly how i feel as well... There are times where i'm sick of being perceived as strong, but i still go on, coz i dun want others to worry. Plus, it's juz how others know me already. I can't disappoint others and disappoint myself by being otherwise... right?

No matter how strong a person might appear, i believe there will be certain things tat affect them more than others. it is called their weakness. I do have feelings too ya know? Sometimes, i really feel like giving up and allow myself to breakdown. But i've experienced tat before... breaking down... And i know tat, not only it does not help matters, everyone else will be influenced and feel bad. And worse thing, i feel even more lonely than even when tat happens. Plus, anti-depressant medication taste YUCKY and makes me feel bloated!! *eekz*

And so, i push myself to be independent, be strong. Find activities to occupy myself...

But really... i'm feeling really tired already...

Byebye Singapore!

2005-05-19T16:45:00.000+08:00

i'll be leaving SG for Melbourne tonite @ 1945hr... Flight: Qantas Airways QF0010

i will miss all my friends here when i'm there... =(

lotsa stuff happened to me recently... i wanted to write abt it, but i guessed, i dun have the time. Plus, i wanted to take the time to forget abt some stuff b4 i go to Melbourne~ so, i din blog abt anything since my exams. Maybe i will write abt everything on my flight and upload it when i'm free ba~ i still wanna put all my memories here... =)

i hope i'll have fun there~ feeling very excited yet nervous now~! =P

A big thank you to all my frens (esp. Celia) who took the time out to accompany me when i'm down. Especially after my exams where i need tat attn coz i'm juz so depressed... the time where i almost breakdown if not for my frens...

Thank you.

Will be back on 9th June @ 1950hr (if nothing goes wrong~) Flight: Qantas Airways QF0051

BYEBYE SINGAPORE!!