Melbourne Time - 1335hr
Things affect me. Sometimes I pretend they dun. To be honest, i believe most of my fren knows that. They juz pretend wif me.
"Maybe I might appear invunerable but I still feel pain"
Adapted the above from my buddy - Icedoom... tears dropped naturally when i read his phrase. I feel for him coz this is exactly how i feel as well... There are times where i'm sick of being perceived as strong, but i still go on, coz i dun want others to worry. Plus, it's juz how others know me already. I can't disappoint others and disappoint myself by being otherwise... right?
No matter how strong a person might appear, i believe there will be certain things tat affect them more than others. it is called their weakness. I do have feelings too ya know? Sometimes, i really feel like giving up and allow myself to breakdown. But i've experienced tat before... breaking down... And i know tat, not only it does not help matters, everyone else will be influenced and feel bad. And worse thing, i feel even more lonely than even when tat happens. Plus, anti-depressant medication taste YUCKY and makes me feel bloated!! *eekz*
And so, i push myself to be independent, be strong. Find activities to occupy myself...
But really... i'm feeling really tired already...
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
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2 comments:
To Unknown:
I don think its v fair to pass a judgement tat triciastarlett is 'playing' if you do not know her well. So? Why are you asking her to wake up and make up her mind? Some things can NEVER be done alone. You need 2 or more willing parties! As friends of hers, our duty is to show her encouragements and all the care & concern she needs, not some random passing of untrue judgements.
Then again, like i said earlier, if u do not know her well, then don pass such statements or post such comments cos its unfair n injust to her.
That brings me to a question? If you do not know her well, why r u so emotionally affected? Unless...
If you know her well, you will put urself in her shoes n think for her, then you should know a lot of things is easier said than done, thus u wont pass unjust silly judgements.. Oops! :P
Uh well...
P/S: YES! some one/some ppl already got hurt!
unknown --> dun need to b unkind to my fren n leave discouraging remarks to me either... coz to us, u're really juz a faceless n heartless cyber stalker anyway. afterall, u seem to b the only one who's reading everything n givin discouragin comments ALL THE TIME...
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seriously, it's none of anyone's problem but mine... SillyC is my fren n been thru the whole ordeal wif me. She knws wat exactly happened.
Wat i've written here is only part of wat happened... i can't state every little details here due to privacy? or mainly becoz some stuff's juz not tat easy to be put into words n not worth putting it into words n remindin myself abt.. plus the emotions can't b placed into exact words. the things he did, she did n i did, i juz can't write everything here...
Most times, it's unexplainable emotions.. sometimes, it's things tat he did n i reciprocated... sometimes, it's me myself. i do things n he reciprocated... the pain juz goes on and deep becoz of our actions.
Everything is over now... And in a way i'm glad of the unspoken decision he made. I've hurt myself deeply n i believe it's enough already. in my own way, I love this guy, but from his actions in response to wat i did, it's clear tat he dun feel the same for me...
I sincerely wish them both happiness...
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