Moody...

oday I feel exceptionally moody. sigh! I barely finished my journals on time coz I was procrastinating as usual. As always, I'm the "group leader" for my project, therefore placed in charge of the final compilation and checking of the final product. The project due today is the BGGC Memo and Interim Journals. I compiled everything, checked through thoroughly, make all necessary changes, print it out, settle all the administrative stuff such as cover page, assignment declaration form and have to travel to school to hand it in. It's not difficult, juz very tedious. Was freaking afraid that I'll be late! was abt to force my bro, Alan to send me to school when EL called and "saved" my day by offering to send me instead. Meeting up with him always make me smile...

After sending me to school to drop my assignment , we went to his place for dinner. Chilled over at his place after dinner... was having a conversation with his mum when she tell me the "Hokkien" name of their dog - J.J - it means sit sit... Mispronouncing J.J in Hokkien is "sit sit" I dunno why, but I had a gd laugh coz I find it really amusing...

When i was at his place, I did a sneaky thing and looked through the photos in his computer without him knowing, only to make myself feel weird and uncomfortable after seeing pics of him with his ex-gf... Sigh! Jealousy... Silly things we humans do sometimes... But it's my own fault to even peep, so I can't possibly be upset abt it I guess. Brushing the unhappy feeling aside, I juz burrow into his arms and buried myself in his snug hug to seek that comfort that I needed so much to make myself feel better... Already in a moody state, only to make myself feel worse by doing stupid things... Downright dumb!

EL accompanied me to meet Celia for supper or rather, juz a catching up session actually... Listening to her talk abt her relationship suddenly makes me scare and a sudden lack of confidence in my own relationship... Sigh! I suddenly feel that i'm caring too much, too fast, and it scaring me.

I always feel that if I care a lot for someone, he/she have the ability to hurt me more. I'm really quite scare of getting hurt again. I'm also afraid that i'll choose to 'escape and run away' again when I feel the pressure or when we face a problem. I'm guilty of doing that, that's why all my relationships didn't last long after YM... EL is too good to me, making me worried that I might not be able to measure up. Sigh... Mood swing... Lotsa weird thoughts crowding up my mind tonite.

Gonna sleep now... Long day tmr! sianzzz... I got NO mood to do anything constructive recently...