Sigh~ juz brooding~

I'm sick.. have been sick for days now. Down with a bad throat, a blocked nose and a bad cough~ Every nite the fever comes back as well... sigh!

Being sick, naturally I feel weak... It's affecting my mood as well...

Met up with baby juz now. He bought me some chinese herbal tea with extra powder mixture added. It's super bitter!!! But after drinking, I do feel better and coughing less.

I got some liquor promo job introduced to me by Sharolyn - a fren I know from Singapore Face competition. I know baby dun like my job and esp dislike it when I work at nite in nightspots, so I asked him for his opinion on whether I shld take up the job. He said better not.

I know since I asked him for his opinion, so I shld listen. Else why do I ask, right? it's not his fault for disliking my work... But still I dun feel good~ sigh~ it makes me feel think about some stuff. Will I really listen and dun take up the promo? Am I ready to give up my work? I mean, I really dunno the answer...

I only know, I hate the feeling of being broke... I'm afraid of having no money and fall back the kinda life style where I have practically zero cash. This is good income and has helped me pull through a lot of my financial difficulties as well... Am I ready to give it up? I also dunno...

I feel tat it's juz work. I'm not doing something indecent. It's juz working as a promoter in nightspots. It's already not easy having to support myself juz doing part-time work and having to study full-time. My parents are gng through a rough financial patch as well. It's not as if they can still afford to give me allowance. I'm not earning extra cash so that I can go shopping and buy stuff I like. I'm working so that I can pay my fees and provide for myself, basic necessities... Sometimes, I feel tat everything is really juz so difficult and I juz feel like breaking down. But I usually keep reminding myself of more positive stuff - like it's only a few more months and I'll be able to work full-time, and I pull through... I never have someone to lean on~ I hate this feeling of being independent and having no one really close to talk to.

Now I have something extra to worry abt - he dun like my work. I wanna respect him, but it's really not easy, esp when I think of the extra money I can earn if I work.

I became very quiet when he said no. I know he's not happy becoz of my reaction. It's like, if i dun intend to listen, why ask? But I also dunno how to explain to him my own financial concerns. I feel that he won't understand anyway. I dun wanna quarrel over this issue coz there's nothing to argue about. I also dun wanna explain myself and coax him coz I dun feel good myself either. In a way, I feel very disappointed.

I know this is one area tat he won't be able to provide the kinda mental and emotional support I need when I feel the mental stress that comes with the job. And the stress of providing for myself financially. My frens know, I dun really like my work, it's all becoz of the money. This past 2 years, I've alr forced myself to face a lot of bad remarks that comes from pple I care alot regarding my job. I feel hurt too... =(

I know alot of other students earn their own keep as well. So I really shldn't be complaining. But maybe becoz I dun have the mental strength, I really can't take the stress sometimes, esp when I can't cope with my studies. sigh~

Why do I feel that
NOBODY understands me?!?!