petty me...

Today I realised, in my relationship, how petty I am. And I'm ashamed of myself. Just recently, I was telling my girlfriends about some issues which I'm unhappy abt in my relationship and today I realised I am actually very petty. And I really feel love - from Eddie.

Some time ago, after my Taiwan trip, I was feeling really down coz everything seems to be going wrong for me. Most importantly, I feel lost and doubtful in everything I do, including my relationship.

But Eddie always make me feel blessed. Before he went for reservist last Sat, he told me that he's going to fix something new to his car and will leave the car in the garage for 2 weeks. I put on a really grumpy face, coz I wasn't happy that he's spending so much money, plus I actually have hopes that he'll lend me his car when he goes for reservist. And I told him so straight, coz I was really disappointed.

And so on Sunday evening, he told me he's not fixing the bodykit anymore and I can use the car when he's away. He din exactly tell me the reason, but I know it's becoz he took my feelings into consideration.

BUT something terrible happen today, coz I was juz not concentrating when I was driving. My whole mind was thinking abt the interview which I juz had. And I ruin his rims. Expensive ones which he JUST changed. Worst thing is, I even promised him that I will be extra careful with his car. That moment, I feel that the trust he has in me is misplaced. I felt so guilty.

The moment I hear the sound, I knew I'll be in deep trouble. Afterall, I always have the thinking that recently, his car is more important than me. I keep thinking whether I shld tell him since he's in reservist. I dun want him to lose sleep over this in camp since he'll keep thinking abt it. At the same time, I dun want to be lying to him at all. But he caught something in my voice just now, and I knew I had to tell him. I braced myself for a scolding, at least some form of it.

But Eddie just said, "It's OK, dun worry abt it. You din mean to." And all of a sudden, I feel so guilty for even thinking of him in a bad way. He put in so much effort in maintaining his car!! And he din even blame me at all. I feel so terrible. If he's angry, he's keeping it in him, coz I dun feel it. Just to make me feel better, he din even scold me.

And for me, I feel upset sometimes even with the smallest hiccups... Now, I know how petty I am.

Now I just hope that when he sees his car, he won't be too upset. Sigh~