What happen...

... to the "I love you"?
... to the "I smile like a silly goon when I think of you"?
... to the "surrounded by a happiness bubble, feeling warm and fuzzy inside"?
... to the "wanna protect and shelter you from all the troubles and pain"?
... to the "I like laughing with you"?
... to the "I like spending time with you, everything is more fun with you are around"?
... to the "I smell your pillow when you're not around"?
... to the "you make me happy"?

Wonder if you think about what happened to all these?

When I'm upset, I think about how a hug from you lighten up everything.
I think about how a simple evening with you warms my heart.
I think about us cooking dinner together, watching a movie on the couch with your arms around me.
I think about how we have fun, tickling, goofing around and laughing together.
I think about how we enjoy quiet moments together just sitting there after all the laughter.
I think about going to bed with your arms around me.
I think about how you reach for my hand and linked your fingers with mine in your sleep.

I wish someone can help me. Those emotions in me is causing so much heartache that I feel the physical pain. Paralysed by the pain in my heart. Can't move. Can't breathe.

If we stayed together till you fly off, there will be no fights, no unhappiness, no tears... only the good memories for us to last a long long while... Why make us go through all these? I don't understand.

You were the one who made things serious, you know? The last time you left me, I was going to recover after 2 months of crying every single day because I know I was not that important to you. I don't dare to hope that you'll think of me, miss me the way I missed you. I thought you'll be gone from my life forever.

And then you came back. You told me that you loved me. You said you would like to meet my family even though I keep emphasizing that meeting them means things are serious. You asked me to travel halfway across the globe to meet your family. You told me, on your own terms that you chose your next destination because you would like that I will be able to visit if possible. You said it yourself that you would like to try and make things between us work out. Everything was on your terms... I never ever force anything on you. I don't even dare to talk about it. Good things like these never happen to me, so I don't dream anymore. And then, you crushed me.

You asked, what the difference with breaking my heart now, and when you're gone for good? The difference is not whether you're here in Singapore or you're gone. The difference is nobody can predict the future. If we had tried hard enough but we failed, I can accept it. But now, you're giving up on us because you've craved the future in stone and tell yourself that this relationship won't work without even trying. And this upsets me. Breaks my heart. You promised things will get better, but it didn't. Do you care enough to feel my pain?

I want you. That's all I want. The rest doesn't matter. :"(