Sorry...

I drenched my pillow with tears last night. Something was on my mind and I dunno how to handle it, so I juz let my tears flow. Juz to clear off the moodiness. Cried myself to sleep. All the while thinking wat a disappointment I am. I'm really sorry... ='(

I really hope you can understand... Sorry...

Batam Trip~!

Over the weekend, I went to Batam for a short getaway with EL and his poly frens... On Sat morning, EL woke me up at 7am and 1st reaction for me is to whine~ throw pillow over his face to shut him up!! coz i'm freaking tired... LoL!! We slept at 4am+ the nite before coz we went to meet his frens for supper~ I made him go prepare 1st while I snuggle a little while more in bed...

We reached HarbourFront at 0825hr... was not considered late coz the meeting time is 0820hr. 5min difference only la~ :P Met up with his frens, 6 of them. Had a hasty breakfast at McDonald's with Elson and his gf, Huizhu while the other 4 went to get the tickets. Then we took the 0920hr ferry to Batam...

Taken on the ferry to Batam

I've never been to Batam before~ my 1st impression of tat place is not fantastic, but overall still ok... Reminds me a lot of Malaysia, esp. my hometown - Port Dickson area...

We stayed at Harris Resort. The lobby is quite cosy. But the check-in procedures took some time. I dunno why coz me and EL was busy taking pics... LoL!!

Outside Harris Resort

After checking-in, we proceed to our rooms to SLACK~ We checked out the scenery outside our balcony...

And baby checked out his own reflection as well~ =P

Since we have nothing to do while waiting, we stayed in the room and took some lovey-dovey photos~ hahahaha...

Eddie the Man


Tricia the Little Girl


Lovey Dovey~


More Lovey Dovey~


LAST...

And wait for lunch time... Lunch is free, included in our package~ :) After lunch, we went for a walk around the place. There's a mini mart at the lobby~ Baby said I can't wear bikini!! so I told him to buy me this awful looking swimsuit~

Nice?!?! of coz we din get that... I still prefer my bikinis~ =P

Next to the resort is Monkey Beach Hut!

It's the place where we can play the sea sports stuff like jet-ski, kayak, parasalling etc... We actually wanna kayak, but then they dun have enough for 8 of us~ So we juz walked ard that place to look at scenery.

He took a candid shot of me~ =)

And guess wat~ There's real monkeys there...

there's one baby one with very big eyes


and another very CHEEKY monkey!!


Can see wat I mean by cheeky not?!?!

I BET YOU CAN'T DO THAT~!!! really shows the primitive side of MAN! LoL!!!!

Then there's a parrot too!

we went for a swim since we can't kayak~ Spent the whole afternoon under the sun... The feeling is juz great~! After tat, we went to have dinner at a restaurant near the ferry terminal~ It's quite cheap for tat amount of food... $12/pax. We had fish, prawns, crabs, kailan, sambal kangkong, omelette, claypot toufu, and mee goreng...

took this while waiting for food~ the sunset is beautiful!

Silly EL put a whole piece of chilli padi into his mouth and chew before I can tell him wat's tat! LoL~ tat caused him to lose his appetite totally, coz he can't take spicy stuff at all~ poor dear~ *gigglez*

We went back to the resort to check out the spa and massage after dinner. We wanted to play billard, but another group of people was there, so we retreat back to our room (they volunteered our room -_-") to play cards instead...

Sunday was spent lazing ard after breakfast~ We din get to swim coz it was raining... But it's ok. Since I get to spent time with baby. We had a late lunch then it's time to get back to Singapore~ sigh~ Another weekend gone and baby gotta work on Monday~

I failed my IME Test...

Super boring day today man! I woke up earlier than usual @ 10am... to mug for my International Monetary Economics MCQ test~ was juz messing ard for abt 2hrs basically juz slacking when baby called me to ask whether I want lunch... Great! a very good way to get away from my books (which I haven't open since I woke up) Sigh~ I went for lunch with him. failed in my attempt to tempt him to accommpany me after lunch~ LoL! he went home to rest~ I came home and slack abit more...

Was juz abt to really start studying when a lady by the name of Yvonne, from Her World Magazine called me to do a phone interview regarding an online community that I joined --> BeautifulPeople.net She basically wanna find out the definition of beauty from different people... I told her mine~ But I wonder how the write-up will turn out to be. =P

And then, I started studying!! But then I can't absorb, coz it's really toooooo difficult~ SIGH! =( I studied till abt 6pm then prepared to go school... And was almost LATE for my test~ phew! and I sat down, did the 1st qns, and proceed on to skip and skip and skip the rest coz I dunno how to do... By the time I reached Qns25, I know there's a serious problem. I really dunno how to do! I sit inside and stare into blank space~ then decide to juz try my luck and GUESS the answers... after the test, the lecturer went thru the answers AND I FAILED THAT PAPER.. =' '(

what made me really angry is... the lecturer din go thru the sample test paper found at the back of our lecture notes! and the questions ALL came from there~ *faiNtz* I HATE MY IME LECTURER NOW!!!! hmpfff!!!!

baby went to fetch me even though he have a headache~ poor dear... I complained all the way back home~ I mean, I got to let out that anger... ARRGGHHHH!!

after baby went home, I got nothing constructive to do... SO in order to let out some stress and my super bad mood, I helped mum clean up the stove area, wash the dishes, mop the kitchen, tidy my room... then I continue to sulk and click on my favorite mindless game called Word Mojo



I got tired of tat. Celia juz told me my blog is boring coz there's no updates and so decided to update my blog~ and so... you see this post! *griNz*

Sigh~ juz brooding~

I'm sick.. have been sick for days now. Down with a bad throat, a blocked nose and a bad cough~ Every nite the fever comes back as well... sigh!

Being sick, naturally I feel weak... It's affecting my mood as well...

Met up with baby juz now. He bought me some chinese herbal tea with extra powder mixture added. It's super bitter!!! But after drinking, I do feel better and coughing less.

I got some liquor promo job introduced to me by Sharolyn - a fren I know from Singapore Face competition. I know baby dun like my job and esp dislike it when I work at nite in nightspots, so I asked him for his opinion on whether I shld take up the job. He said better not.

I know since I asked him for his opinion, so I shld listen. Else why do I ask, right? it's not his fault for disliking my work... But still I dun feel good~ sigh~ it makes me feel think about some stuff. Will I really listen and dun take up the promo? Am I ready to give up my work? I mean, I really dunno the answer...

I only know, I hate the feeling of being broke... I'm afraid of having no money and fall back the kinda life style where I have practically zero cash. This is good income and has helped me pull through a lot of my financial difficulties as well... Am I ready to give it up? I also dunno...

I feel tat it's juz work. I'm not doing something indecent. It's juz working as a promoter in nightspots. It's already not easy having to support myself juz doing part-time work and having to study full-time. My parents are gng through a rough financial patch as well. It's not as if they can still afford to give me allowance. I'm not earning extra cash so that I can go shopping and buy stuff I like. I'm working so that I can pay my fees and provide for myself, basic necessities... Sometimes, I feel tat everything is really juz so difficult and I juz feel like breaking down. But I usually keep reminding myself of more positive stuff - like it's only a few more months and I'll be able to work full-time, and I pull through... I never have someone to lean on~ I hate this feeling of being independent and having no one really close to talk to.

Now I have something extra to worry abt - he dun like my work. I wanna respect him, but it's really not easy, esp when I think of the extra money I can earn if I work.

I became very quiet when he said no. I know he's not happy becoz of my reaction. It's like, if i dun intend to listen, why ask? But I also dunno how to explain to him my own financial concerns. I feel that he won't understand anyway. I dun wanna quarrel over this issue coz there's nothing to argue about. I also dun wanna explain myself and coax him coz I dun feel good myself either. In a way, I feel very disappointed.

I know this is one area tat he won't be able to provide the kinda mental and emotional support I need when I feel the mental stress that comes with the job. And the stress of providing for myself financially. My frens know, I dun really like my work, it's all becoz of the money. This past 2 years, I've alr forced myself to face a lot of bad remarks that comes from pple I care alot regarding my job. I feel hurt too... =(

I know alot of other students earn their own keep as well. So I really shldn't be complaining. But maybe becoz I dun have the mental strength, I really can't take the stress sometimes, esp when I can't cope with my studies. sigh~

Why do I feel that
NOBODY understands me?!?!

Sorry Cass!!

I owe my agency - Trix Venture an apology becoz some time back in January this year, I wrote something quite mean on my blog and today the boss went to read abt it. Apparently, her clients saw wat I wrote.

I wrote tat piece becoz I was really very frustrated over tat issue at that point of time, so I din think much abt the consequences. Afterall, I thought I was juz grumbling on my blog, I din realised tat search engines pick out details like tat. I agree, it's very irresponsible of me... I'm sorry!

To clarify, it's really juz a misunderstanding.

MS FINALLY done!

I was rushing out my MS journals till 530am in the morning~ when I sms the girls - Jasmine and Jessna at 4.30am, they replied me!! GOSH~! seems like they're also burning the midnight oil to complete the journals. I woke up at 10am coz i'm too tensed to sleep in longer... My mind is still very tired. I feel bad for asking them to compile the project coz I gotta work later at nite for an event - The Friends of Jack Party @ Chijmes. Reporting time is at 530pm!! the actual work starts at 830pm. sigh~ waste of my time... There'll be free flow of Jack Daniel's from 8.30pm to 10pm... Hope it won't be too boring~

I've done whatever I can do. now it's up to them to compile and hand it in~ another project down. DPP2 deadline coming up though. 12th September... :'(

classic case of paranoia in a r/s?

I woke up and my nose is still feeling horrible! In the grossest term, I got tons of mucus stuck in my nose tat refused to come out even when I blow my nose... sigh~ nose block! I thot sleeping will make me feel better and recover... apparently it does not really help~

OH NO! I'm getting paranoid... 1st thing tat suddenly came to my mind when I wake up is how come EL din pick up my call when i called him last nite at 12mn leh.. hmmm.. could he be out somewhere and so din pick up? or with someone else? then tell me he's sleeping?!?!

AIYA, I'm juz being overly-sensitive and I know it... But I got this thot coz I had bad experience with the previous guy la, so this thot popped into my mind. but like wind, the thot juz came and go... afterall, baby is sick last nite, under influence of medication, the possibility of him dozing off and so din msg me good nite is definitely greater than him going out/dating someone else~ I trust him... ;)

Grumblings~ MS Sucks...

I’m stuck in school discussing my Managing Strategically (MS) project the whole day!! I think 3pm till 10pm is consider whole day right? MS sucks BIG TIME... sigh~ last nite I was sifting through information from various sources till 3am in the middle of the nite and it's juz sickening!! This morning I din wake up in time for lecture (as usual) and only woke up when EL called me at 1030am~ sigh!

After calling me, baby drop by after going to the doctor and bought food for me~ I feel bad, coz he's sick, still gotta worry abt whether I EAT~ he's coughing quite badly, I shld be the one showering lotsa love on him since he's sick eh... But I’m so stressed out over MS Memo tat I dun have much time to even ask whether he's alright. *frowN* hope baby get well soon~

Before I leave for school at 230pm, my youngest bro, Wai Lap came home with a swollen arm. At first, Mum and I thot tat he got into a fight with his frens, only to find out tat he fell coz he was playing and got clumsy~ the arm was so swollen tat it kinda got everyone worried that he might have broken a bone but he din seem to mind the pain... baby gave me a ride to sch and so I told him abt Wai Lap~

Then at ard 930pm, baby told me Wai Lap is only suffering from muscle strain. I asked him how did he know and he told me he juz send my bro and my mum to the doctor. (I was still in school at 930pm... sigh!) -_-" I was so surprised! Apparently, he called my bro and send them to the doctor for X-RAY~ AND he din tell me! hahahaha~ I feel kinda weird actually, but also very happy coz he can integrate with my family and I think it's really sweet of him...

I'm being too pampered by baby. EL have been fetching me home from project meetings or school almost everyday~ But Mum told me tat baby look really tired when he send them ard, so I thot to save him the trouble, I shall make my way home myself~ Then BINGO! Kevin walked out from the lecture theatre... Being long-time frens, I very buay paiseh and asked him whether I can hitch a ride from him since he's only living one street away~ of coz he said yes~ hahaha... So I called baby and told him I’m hitching a ride from a fren instead~

Moment i got home, I started searching for articles and information AGAIN! no life man~ it's Ladies nite today somemore... *duhz* then Mum suddenly ask me, "have you eaten?". I think for one full min before realizing tat I had lunch but not dinner~ And then my stomach starting GROWLING! In the end, got dad to buy food back for me~

Now, I think i'm getting sick as well~ i shall take a break from the project research and get some sleep coz my running nose is simply irritating the shit outta me... got a fever, which I think is due to my sore throat. sianzz! Enough of grumblings~

For EL ONLY --> BABY, I LOVE YOU! Hope you'll get well soon... muack!