he'll knw who he is...

perhaps it's best that he dun apppear at all EVER in my life again~ As time passed by, I thot it'll eventually heal my wounds, but with him, I juz realised I really just hate him more... for being irresponsible, for being selfish... for hurting me in that worst possible way~

I know it's a little tad bit extreme, but I juz had to do the childish thing of deleting his everything from my life... his number, his email, his address, his pictures, his friendster, his testimonials for me, throwing away everything tat have even the slightest link or memory of him...

me and him - no longer lovers, not frens, not even acquaintance... To me, it's just a period of wasted time, terrible mistake and a hell lot of grief!

those whom take me as a fren, pls dun even mention his name to me. It'll only create this gloom ard me that I'll take forever to shake off... If I have to hate him to feel better, I will juz have to hate him...

SO go away and STAY AWAY... thank you...

slowly recovering...

The Bottom Line
Things are settling into place -- this is not a good day to move or stir things up.

In Detail
There is a stillness in the air, and things are finally settling into place in your personal life. Therefore, this is not a good day to move around and stir things up again. Let sleeping dogs lie, don't revisit sensitive issues, and just enjoy where you are in life right now. You'll be getting introspective about yourself, which is a good thing -- it will help you see things in the right perspective and realize how much you've grown in a relatively short period of time.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Today's Friendster horoscope is interesting... I haven't been reading up on the horoscope section for the longest time, but today when I finally clicked on the link and read after such a long time, it juz feel so right and feel so true...

In a good way I mean, I'm glad to say life is definitely better now. I feel more at peace with myself, less angry with life and myself with the choice I've made and generally juz more happy and have more fun... haven't felt so carefree for the longest time~

slowly picking up the bits and pieces and being whole again... frens ard me helped a lot as well. My mood and feelings are gettin better finally. I can't be as jovial as before, but at least, I can feel myself slowly recovering...

Am I really charming?

Guys Like That You're Charming

You're the girl most guys can't get out of their heads. Even if they met you on a bad hair day. :) You just seem to "click" with everyone you meet. So even if a guy forgets about you for a second... his friends haven't!

What Do Guys Like About You?

My Celebrity Look-alikes

Sammi Cheng appears for 3 of my photos!!! *griNz*

Hello Kitty & Doraemon!

Doraemon and Hello Kitty were out on the streets one day. When Doraemon saw Hello Kitty, he waved and greeted her, "Hello Kitty!"

Hello Kitty, however, didn't greet him in return. Why didn't she?

(She didn't have a mouth.)



Now, she was feeling pretty bad about appearing rude, so she stitched a mouth on herself and went off to look for for Doraemon. When she saw him, she greeted him enthusiastically.

Doraemon, however, ignored her. Why didn't he acknowledge her greeting?

(He couldn't hear her - he didn't have ears!)



I know this is very silly, but I burst out laughing after reading this... I find it so so funny. LOL~!!!

What confines me? NOTHING~

You are confined by Nothing. Good for you. You are comfortable with yourself and the way you are seen. I'm glad there are people like you in the world.

Quiz: What Confines You? by Quizilla

starLett's Johari/Nohari Windows

Go try this out~ BUT pls dun use anonymous and annoy me k! Leave a nickname at least...

For my good traits:
http://kevan.org/johari?name=starLett

For my bad traits:
http://kevan.org/nohari?name=starLett

OH GOSH~, where's the tagboard?

Tagboard temporarily down, coz sillyC and I wanna see who will take the "extra" effort to spam through blog entries comments... small experiment nia~

and so, the most active and quite friendly pple on my tagboard listed below: -
1) starLett (which is of coz myself)
2) sillyC (my best gf)
3) nobody (someone I realised is from WLNY)
4) bEcKs (someone always there, also visit WLNY)
5) channelle (a babe!)
6) lord (someone who finds my tagboard amusing and entertaining - which I totally agree with)
7) Tyler (who is very interested in cars~ drove a Toyota Starlet. single ‘T’ k, not like my nick~ )
8) Shingz (a few posts here and there, sounds like a philosopher)

and the not-so-friendly, childish, no-life pple whom follow my blog even though they dun seem to like me~ (I've got no idea, maybe they secretly wished they're me?! now that'll seriously be amusing~)
9) anonymous aka bloop (someone who said DW is one of the best lovers ard. I wonder how many did you tried to determine the best? I gave you the nick "bloop" since there are so many anonymous, plus I think the word sounds funny… LoL!)
10) anny (who seconded bloop's comment. So I also wonder how she knows?)
11) passerby (who followed my blog since 2 years ago, very aggressive individual. Maybe he/she is very suppressed in real life, so tat's why seem a little unstable 不平衡)
三位不知所谓， 无聊的小人!

And know wat, since this is my blog, so I can choose to delete their posts... lalalala~ *griNz*

oh ya~ another thing, DW sms-ed me and asked me not to write abt/discuss abt him in my blog wor~ and I told him, "I didn't, your lovers did..." happy? LOL!

Anyway, he thinks all these are childish~ my sentiments exactly...

My god-bro - Desmond

Bro, I know I've failed you, in a way... I'm sorry...

I do value our friendship a lot in my heart, but as you know, I run away from stuff a lot. I had some problems and I find it difficult to share with you then. Time dragged on and I feel even more guilty for "ignoring" you... Especially when you din do anything wrong to deserve it... Sorry!

When I finally had the courage to "face" you again, I finally replied your msg, but in a way, I'm still afraid to pick up your calls, coz I'm worried you'll scold me? I'm juz not good at handling tat... But I'm really happy to receive your sms after that. Happy to know that you still care, even though I'm being a jerk...

I'm glad to know you as a friend and I really missed the camaraderie that we once shared. And sincerely, I hoped that we still have tat even after what I've done... you know, ignoring you for no reason?

Bro, forgive me alright?

*not a very flattering pic* BUT really happy times...

Since you're so interested~

I shall give all my ex-bfs (whom matters to me) initials, so tat I know who all the anonymous pple are talking abt in my tagboard

EL - Spent last 2 yrs with EL, I went to Batam, Taiwan, Japan with him. We've a happy and comfortable life together. I thot we'll get married, have a nice house, have a few kids and live happily ever after. BUT it din work out. Maybe becoz I can never forgive and forget wat happened last Jan. Seems like a lifetime ago, but it'll forever be a scar.

DW - The one in my latest entry "Dedicated to you". We spent a short time together before, and I would like him to be happy now, in watever he does. It was like a storm then, intriguing, fast and dangerous, swept me off my feet, had a few tumbles and miraculously I survived, though there was a few bruises but I had no regrets.

YM - A guy who, from the bottom of my heart, changed my perspective of life. Held my hand when I was growin up and gave me lots of happiness as well as heartaches. I heard that he is happily married now. I hope they're happy as well! ;)

iaN - my best guy friend now, who will always be there for me. Will always help to drag me out of watever misery I am inflicting on myself. We knew each other since I was 15yr old, tat makes it a 10yr-old friendship.

And of coz, in between of all of them, there are quite a number of guys whom I've spent time with, either in the phase of trying to get to knw each other, or got together for a short time. Those who formed part of my memories for the last quarter of a century that I've spent my life, making me who I am today.

I also hope they're all happy. TO me, we all parted as friends, and so most of us are still friends till today, no matter watever happened in the past. Friends who still matters but in a very different way now.

So now, pls quote initials so I bloodly hell know who you're referring to... plus so many kaypo anonymous pple ard in my tagboard, leave a nick for goodness sake! -_-"

Dedicated to YOU

I believe if you read this, you will know who you are...

I decided to meet you becoz when I heard that you're going away, I feel sad and shocked and I din wanna regret not seeing you before you leave the country for a long long time... But come to think of it, it shouldn't be much difference since we haven't seen each other for close to 2 yrs right?

But NO, it's different, at least to me... I dunno how you think though. I cannot figure why you wanted to meet me after so long, and I will never ask you. So I will always wonder because I will never have a definite answer...

You've left such a deep impression in my life that I dun think I will ever forget you. Meeting up after so long did not seem like a good idea at first, after all that we're been though but the feeling when I first saw you standing in front of me in person, the joy and pleasure was really overwhelming... Honestly, it's not the feeling that I expected. I guessed you've always been in my heart...

When you sent me home, I was thinking, will I see you again? Not tat smart, am I? I never learn...

Those times when we chatted on MSN, I've always wonder how have you been? I had a lot of questions that I wanted to ask, but as always, I won't ask, I would rather you tell me if you want to... I always wonder whether we'll see each other ever again. As I told you, I never thot we'll ever meet again...

As always, since those good old days, I've always hope you've been happy and will always be happy... I will continue to miss you, in my own way! :)

African Violets

African violets, also known as Saintpaulias, are among the most well-known house plants in the world. Plants are attractive and grow in a variety of sizes and shapes, from miniature of a few inches high to trailing forms that drape from pots. The flowers of African violets are most appealing. Colours range from single shades of white, red, pink, blue, deep purple and wine to striking combinations. Foliage is lush and multi-shaped in various shades of green. African violets grow well in the temperate region but they also thrive well in the tropics provided the five basic needs, (ie. steady warmth, careful watering, good lighting, high air humidity and regular feeding) are taken care of. There should be no difficulty in producing several flushes of flowers each year.

Source: http://www.gardentech.com.sg/article_african_violets.asp


My new plant! *pic sucks coz taken with my lousy phone*

Rick juz gave me a pot of purple African Violet~ or rather we went to shop for it together because I wanted to buy a pot of SOMETHING to put in my office... Like a new toy!! I've bought beans as well as flowers (for myself) to brighten my personal space in office, but I realised they died off quite fast, say ard a week...

I hope a pot of plant should last a little longer if I take care of it! Hope I have green fingers and dun kill my plant ba~ LoL! So excited!! *griNz*

Dancing... with me on HIS feet!

It's the first time I dance on somebody's feet... haha~ granted it's feels silly, with me stepping on his feet, swaying to the music... sweet and good kinda silly~ haha! *grinZ*

Chocolates

Chocolates now have a totally new meaning to me... ;)

Today, one of my frens, being a Mr NICE GUY, delivered chocolates to me at my office personally... just to cheer me up... awww~ how nice is that?!? *griNz*

Rick: Din know you're so full of surprises~! ;)

It's a girl thing... it makes me happy and touched... :)

Sign of my True Love: CANCER

Your True Love Is a Cancer

Why you'll love a Cancer: Cancer's loyal and sincere heart makes your own sensitive heart melt. Caring and devoted, a Cancer will take the lead in pursuing you - and not give up! Why a Cancer will love you: You're laid back enough to deal with Cancer's little mood swings and freak-outs. A fellow homebody, you know how make Cancer comfortable and at home with you.

What Sign Is Your True Love?

hmmmm... true but also not so true... I always fall in love with a Cancer, and then we'll be very happy together, have lots of happy memories and then it will end. -_-"

e y e w a t e r by alley bell

Where do tears come from
right before they leave your eyes?
Do they come from the heart?
or a secret place in the mind?

I've noticed your tears are clear
Oh so pure, but salty like sweat.
Clean like water, but burns like poison.

I've noticed tears are full of emotion.
a mixture of joy or of sadness
a mixture of hate or of madness

Did you ever notice that tears are hot?
like boiling water from a bubbling pot.
Or like a stream flowing downwards
right from the mountain top?

I've noticed tears are like waterfalls
Each makes a splash...
One falls into with no sound
One falls with a crash.

Have you ever noticed?
Tears have meaning?
From suicide notes
to mothers holding their new born babies...

Source: http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/e-y-e-w-a-t-e-r/

Post Abortion Grief - The Emotional Effects

In the weeks and months after the abortion, feelings of sadness and guilt often threaten to overwhelm the post-abortion woman, yet society offers her no assistance in mourningÑshe is expected to be grateful that "her problem is solved" and to "get on with her life" as though nothing significant had happened.

At the same time, pain and bleeding remind her of the assault on her body, the sudden endocrine changes cause her to become emotionally labile or unstable. She is poignantly aware of the date her child would have been born. Reminders threaten her defensive denial and repression all too frequently: anniversaries of her abortion, other children of the age her child would have been, Mother's Day, the omni-present abortion debate in the media, a visit to the gynecologist, the sound of the suction machine at the dentist's office, or the sound of a vacuum cleaner at home, a baby in a television ad, a new pregnancy, a death in the family, a film depicting prenatal development or abortion, or a pro-life homily. Any of these may trigger a sudden flood of grief, guilt, anger and even despair, which in turn, calls forth even more intense defensive responses.

The post-abortion woman's attempts to comply with society's expectations that she proceed with her life as though she had undergone an innocuous procedure are bought at great personal expense. She may turn to alcohol or drugs to get to sleep at night or to deaden the pain of the intrusive thoughts, which haunt her day and night, "I killed my baby! I killed my baby! I don't deserve to live!" Flashbacks to the abortion procedure may occur at any time.

She may throw herself into intense activityÑwork, study, or recreation, or attempt to deal with her feelings of loneliness and emptiness by binge eating alternating with purging or anorexia, or by intense efforts to repair intimate relationships or develop new ones inappropriately, becoming sexually promiscuous, risking sexually transmitted diseases, and repeating pregnancy and abortion. Complaints of vague abdominal pain or pain on sexual intercourse may cause her to seek medical treatment from one physician after another unsuccessfully, and the very examinations to which she is subjected may cause flashbacks to the abortion experience.

Her life spirals downward as her general health, personal relationships and job performance become more and more impaired. Discouragement, despair, clinical depression and suicide attempts often follow.3 Typically, in presenting symptoms over a period of many years, she is treated by numerous physicians and mental health professionals without ever receiving help for the root cause of her problems, her abortion or abortions. Psychiatric textbooks subsume all of the above symptoms under the diagnosis of a Pathological Grief Reaction.

Source: http://www.prolife.sg/pregnancy/articles/Post.htm

Fragments

30th April 2007 (Monday)

10:49am
I look no different from any other day, like the same old me, like the same old cheerful Tricia... but I'm broken into a millions pieces inside... so broken that I dun think anything can fix me up...

Haha... suddenly I thought of Humptey Dumptey

11:37am
I wanna ask him to come back to me, want everything to remain the same. I want him to hear him say he still wants me back... But I'm didn't ask, I wanted it to his decision. But I know it's not... tat's why I'm so broken now...

I remembered hearing my heart shattered, my ears buzzing, my mind becoming a total blank, my whole body going numb... with despair... when I heard him confirm it.

I wanted to scream and kick... to hurt and to blame him... but I know it won't help.

1:50pm
I din wanna think of him, but naturally I did, at lunch time, like every other normal day... I think of whether he'll take his lunch late again. And I want to remind him I'm ard somewhere, thinking of him...

And so I msg him, guilty of my own agenda. I want him to think of me if he's not... I forced him to... OMG! Eddie, I miss you so much... :'(

4:34pm
I cannot concentrate on my work. I checked my hp for msgs at every little sound... I thot I heard it beeped, I really did, but it din... He din msg me afterall...

6:29pm
It's all juz so hard... I mean, I love you, and you said you love me... then why din it equate to HAPPILY EVER AFTER?!?!

Simple quotes that touched my heart..

Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye.
-- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

"If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were."

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage."
-- Lao-Tzu

To the soul, there is hardly anything more healing than friendship.
-- Thomas Moore

Boring Life

Was reading through my past posts on my blog and realised time flies... these days I'm too busy with work to update my blog. Or rather, nothing much has happen since I started working. Everyday became a routine. Even weekends become a routine. Nothing exciting happened. Life with EL is also becoming increasingly boring... There's really nothing much to do in Singapore. Or maybe I'm just too lazy to do anything. I'm becoming a LONER~ HELP!!!

Sometimes I wonder, if I disappear from the world, will any of my friends actually realised that I'm missing?

Anyway, I'm looking forward to something happening this coming week... A primary school friend is coming to Singapore for a visit! And because of her, we're organsing a BBQ gathering at Sentosa. Finally something different from all the other (BORING) weeks...