I do feel the PAIN...

Melbourne Time - 1335hr

Things affect me. Sometimes I pretend they dun. To be honest, i believe most of my fren knows that. They juz pretend wif me.

"Maybe I might appear invunerable but I still feel pain"

Adapted the above from my buddy - Icedoom... tears dropped naturally when i read his phrase. I feel for him coz this is exactly how i feel as well... There are times where i'm sick of being perceived as strong, but i still go on, coz i dun want others to worry. Plus, it's juz how others know me already. I can't disappoint others and disappoint myself by being otherwise... right?

No matter how strong a person might appear, i believe there will be certain things tat affect them more than others. it is called their weakness. I do have feelings too ya know? Sometimes, i really feel like giving up and allow myself to breakdown. But i've experienced tat before... breaking down... And i know tat, not only it does not help matters, everyone else will be influenced and feel bad. And worse thing, i feel even more lonely than even when tat happens. Plus, anti-depressant medication taste YUCKY and makes me feel bloated!! *eekz*

And so, i push myself to be independent, be strong. Find activities to occupy myself...

But really... i'm feeling really tired already...

Byebye Singapore!

i'll be leaving SG for Melbourne tonite @ 1945hr... Flight: Qantas Airways QF0010

i will miss all my friends here when i'm there... =(

lotsa stuff happened to me recently... i wanted to write abt it, but i guessed, i dun have the time. Plus, i wanted to take the time to forget abt some stuff b4 i go to Melbourne~ so, i din blog abt anything since my exams. Maybe i will write abt everything on my flight and upload it when i'm free ba~ i still wanna put all my memories here... =)

i hope i'll have fun there~ feeling very excited yet nervous now~! =P

A big thank you to all my frens (esp. Celia) who took the time out to accompany me when i'm down. Especially after my exams where i need tat attn coz i'm juz so depressed... the time where i almost breakdown if not for my frens...

Thank you.

Will be back on 9th June @ 1950hr (if nothing goes wrong~) Flight: Qantas Airways QF0051

BYEBYE SINGAPORE!!

My Birth Date Analysis

Since i'm very into Friendster horoscopes, i decided to do this quiz as well... birth dates~ guess it's similar to horoscopes ba... pretty accurate as well i think!

Your Birthdate: March 16

Your birth on the 16th day of the month gives a sense of loneliness and generally the desire to work alone. You are relatively inflexible, and insist on your being independent. You need a good deal of time to rest and to meditate. You are introspective and a little stubborn. Because of this, it may not be easy for you to maintain permanent relationships, but you probably will as you are very much into home and family. This birth day inclines to interests in the technical, the scientific, and to the religious or the unknown realm of spiritual explorations. The date gives you a tendency to seek unusual approaches and makes your style seem a little different and unique to those around you. Your intuition is aided by the day of your birth, but most of your actions are bedded in logic, responsibility, and the rational approach. You may be emotional, but have a hard time expressing these emotions. Because of this, there may be some difficulty in giving or receiving affection.

What Does Your Birth Date Means?

Missing someone...

I got this from a friendster bulletin posted by a fren. it juz gets to me and touch me deeply. Maybe becoz i've been having this feeling recently.
read on...


Missing someone is a terrible but at the same time, sweet feeling.
You will be sitting around wondering if you meant anything to him/her.
Thinking if he/she ever cares about you.
Rushing to the phone once it rings hoping that it's him/her.

Looking out of the window hoping that he/she will surprise you by appearing downstairs.
Sitting in front of the television but thinking of him/her,
missing the final episode of your favourite show.
Laying on your bed, thinking of the last time you were out together.
Thinking of how nice it will be to sit under the stars again,
talking about everything, your dreams, plans, future.
Logging on to the internet hoping to see him/her online.
When you realise that he/she isn't online and did not return your call,
you will start worrying if he/she is okay.

Missing someone is a way of growing up i guess.
It exposes you to loneliness.
It teaches you how to cope with being lonely and let you know that there is actually a feeling known as emptiness.

Sometimes it feels good to miss someone.
You know that you really care and you indulge in the feeling of loving/caring for him/her.

But missing someone and not knowing if he/she is feeling the same is terrible.
You feel as if you are being left alone.
So if you miss someone, tell him/her and let them know.
At the same time, ask if they miss you.
Don't let the feeling of missing someone become jealousy or paranoia.
If you are the one being missed and you know it, let the other party know.
If you miss him/her too, tell them.
Don't let them wait.

it really felt terrible especially missing someone tat is so dear and close to you. How i wish to tell him, "You always on my mind, each time i wake up till i close my eyes.." i wonder, is he missing me too?

Sequel to "commitments and me?"

Loving It: Maybe it's retribution ? Thought of it ?
starLett: mayb. mayb it's a subconscious choice i make so tt when things dun work out, i got a reason to blame them, n say it's nt my fault. like they can't commit so they leave, so it's nt my fault? haha... self-denial ;)
Loving It: Haha... denial it in front of a big crowd. Maybe you don't understand what retribution mean... I believe in retribution and thats why you are suffering now. :)
starLett: am i suffering? actually i dun feel so... everything is still kinda fun! life goes on~

Thru this i realised... there are very boring pple out there who's rather interested in my very boring life~ ;P


From Dictionary.com
ret·ri·bu·tion
n.

1. Something justly deserved; recompense.
2. Something given or demanded in repayment, especially punishment.
3. Theology. Punishment or reward distributed in a future life based on performance in this one.


I decipher it as... some pple done bad things, so they get retribution and suffered in the form of getting hurt by me in some ways, hence i have to suffer again coz i hurt them? duhz~ life dun work this way eh~ this equation is wrong, can?

Point is: i'm not suffering... everybody goes thru a rough patch now and then. Whining abt it won't hurt anyone. i wanna grumble... coz it gets the "burden" off my chest and then i move on and concentrate on the other aspects in my life. Everything in my life now is still fun and i'm still loving it... Life still goes on! =D