Sunday, October 24, 2004
when he leaves...
My parents are off to Malaysia to attend my cousin's wedding, but i stayed in SG coz i gotta prepare for exams...sitting in front of my computer in complete darkness, with nobody at home... The silence is killing me... i tried putting on music but it still feels so quiet without anyone at home...
Was on the phone with Celia for a longest time... Today i find her suddenly a lot more grown -up... at times, i find her fussy and demanding, hence a little irritating, and she knows it herself as well. But today she seems different, perhaps it's her beau's influence...
When i was chatting with her, she saw Jeffy online. They had a short online conversation and Jeffy was telling her tat he's at Shanghai, travelling, having fun and networking with his mum...
There's this nagging thought at the back of my mind for the longest time. Am i ready to see him go off overseas and work? Until now, he never really share his plans with me. I've got no idea whether he's still gng to Shanghai to work after ORD. Am i ready to see him go? (if he is really going) Only a few more weeks left before he's officially released from his NS liability.
I know tat he will be gng to Shanghai to work after his NS even before we got together. he told me tat he's only back in Sg for a short period. it's in his goals in life, to travel around and work in different countries, learn more, experience more... But i feel tat i might not be able to accept the fact.
Before he's back from the states, i tell myself tat i'll be able to accept his departure. But somewhere along the line, i've start to care for him dearly, falling in love without knowing why... i'm losing control... i'll be very sad when he leaves. everyone like to have their loved ones close to them, and i'm no exception. I'm selfish, i hope tat he'll not go afterall. But it's a selfish thot, i'll still have to let go... Afterall, it's his life, not mine. And when the time comes, i'll have to cope...
Am i ready to see him go? I'll know when the time comes... if i'm not ready, i'll just have to cope...
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3 comments:
swtee P!3..t!z is the 1s+ i read thru ur blog.well guess wa+ u reali one soft brick.on the surface u lk so calm n steady,protraitin so tough yet u juz one little vulnerable snail tt will corrodes off wen pour w salt.
I reali wish to help u all ways tt i can..no matter hw tough it is goin 2 b like..i noe it sucks w the feelins of being alone and feelin so empty.the thin isolated atomsphere tt is stickin w u like glue..my heart aches to hear tt..my ears will be ur faithful listener.
well life is full of obstacles that we gotta stuggle n get upon w..but tis's jus life..we wun noe the meaning of success if we kip succeeding.. in addition u gotta start muggin arights as ur exams r nearin i believe..its aint abt hw gd u will score but hw much effort u put in
is jeff reali e guy u love?i dunno.perhaps u juz needed sumone n he happens to flash across ur mind or issit absence tt makes ur heart fondles? well u r a very "wei da" g.f to tink abt his future endeavours n preparin to let him go 2 pursue his drms n realized his goals..bearing all the hurts n pains tt mayb inflicted on u..*i admire u*
its gettin late n guess u r aslp..tuck in well 4 u still gotta work tml. with loTsa lOve. yours Truly _?_
If you truely love someone, set them free.
If is mean to be , they will come back to you.
i know right... which is why i will let go... =)
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