Feeling crappy.

Was wondering whether I shld post something like this coz blogs are quite public and frens see them and get worried abt me and stuff... BUT HECK I WANNA POST~!

Cried myself to sleep last nite. I just feel so miserable and tired. Somtimes I wonder why as well, but I juz dun feel happy with my life. Everything juz feel EMPTY......

I told myself never to be affected by guys in my life ever after. After YM, I dun wanna be affected ever again. I know that if I start to care for a person in a special way, he/she will have the ability to hurt me, with words or actions, which is why I dun wanna commit. Friends said tat maybe becoz I've played too much and my heart is still not stable enough, still playful and not ready for committments, blah blah blah... Another friend mentioned tat he feels tat I'm never really over YM. I wonder?

It's scary, how everytime I start to feel for someone, I freak out! I juz get so scare! I wonder why? But I REALLY wanna find someone who cares about me and not hurt me. Someone whom I can lean against for support whenever I'm tired of being independent... Someone who'll willing to take care of me when i'm sick of holding myself together. However, I feel that dating a lot of guys is less threatening to my emotions, coz I won't be worried tat he'll hurt me in any way. I feel SAFER when my heart is with me instead of someone else. Wonder if anyone can agree with me and understand wat i'm saying? sigh~

Have you ever miss someone so much, and yet dread seeing him? Because he hurts you so much with his words and actions without knowing? Or because you know tat he's just like tat and you juz put up with it until you cannot take it anymore? I always feel tat when someone is constantly putting you down with his words, it's consider VERBAL ABUSE! Some people might not feel tat it's a very serious issue esp. when they're the one doing it but do think about it. The people you laugh at really don't like it, spare a thought for the feeling of the person you're laughing at. It's very hurting esp. if they're someone who never really feel GOOD about themselves. Jokes are not meant to hurt the other party, when it does, STOP! coz they dun owe you anything to take all this.

Sometimes I hate the way I am. I always tell myself to trust others but the more important he/she becomes to me, the more I lose the trust and the more I feel insecure. It really doesn't help tat they don't give me the security tat I need. I admit tat sometimes, it's a lot of reassurance but I juz need it.

Perhaps I'll be better off ALONE. Afterall I always feel lonely anyway. =(