Sunday, September 19, 2004

Social butterfly.


What Emotions Dominate You?
Alone

Loneliness dominates you. You can hide it well,
but its there, and your friends can see it. You
constantly feel alone, and need to do things to
fill your time. You're afraid to tell people this
but sooner or later it gets out in a bad way,
and you think you screwed up everything. And
when you are in love is when you are sad the most.


Quiz: What Emotion Dominates You?
brought to you by Quizilla

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Loneliness. Has anyone ever considered if there is a difference between actual loneliness and just being alone? Because I feel there is. Loneliness is a state of mind, a feeling. A person can still be lonely when they are around a large crowd, whereas when one is alone it's by choice.

Some people spend their life dancing with fear. In the process they sacrifice the vitality and hopefulness of life. People may go to all kinds of lengths to avoid pain and thus lose contact with the real world. They can fear loneliness so much they become a shallow social butterfly with many acquaintance and few friends.

All my life I've felt lonely even though I've grown up with a large group of friends, parents who love me, and always making new friends wherever i go. So why do I still feel lonely?

When I was growing up I could fit in with all the cliques in school because I knew exactly how they wanted me to act. I always considered myself similar to a chameleon because I'm able to change faces when I'm with a certain person or group. I guess I'm able to do this because I've never given people the chance to know me; I've always hidden myself behind the metaphorical mask.

People who didn't know me would think I'm an outgoing social butterfly. I plaster on this face, pretend that I have the happy life, but what they don't realize is that behind closed doors I keep to myself, a loner.

I'm the kind of person that can't stand loneliness, nor do I like to be by myself when I don't have to be; I'm the kind of person that loves making new friends and meeting new people. But I'm not the kind of person who's going to turn their nose down on another person just because of how they look or think I'm better than everyone or something..

I've kept my real emotions hidden from the world so long that I've forgotten how to feel. It feels like my heart is frozen in ice that is unable to melt. I long for the loneliness to cease, but I know I have to adapt to it because I'll never feel whole.

As a little girl I always believed in soulmates. That there is this one person that is made for me alone. Who I can talk to about anything, everything, who will look deep within me and make me feel wanted and loved. I know now that it is only a myth; there is no such thing as a soulmate.

I stand and lift my chin, putting on my mask. Giving off a confidence I know I don't possess. But I'm used to being someone I'm not, hell I don't even know who I am anymore.

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Do you believe in Love?
You believe in it. But have lost your faith in it.
You probably had quite the past with love and
aren't ready to go back to that. You tend to push
people away and because of this no one tries to
get close anymore. Will you ever love again,
maybe someday.


Quiz: Do You Believe in Love??
brought to you by Quizilla

and this is how I feel......

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

WOW!....
to the piece on social butterfly........