Part two: The Dilemma...

Part two: THE DILEMMA

9th Mar nite - After i stepped into the house, I cried. i wanted so much to have someone love me. He sms-ed me, asking whether we're together. Else why are we so close? I was rendered speechless again. Coz i dunno the answer as well. I chose to ignore the qns and deal with it tmr. i was juz feeling incredibly sad, coz i got no confidence in relationship at all... I dun even know whether he really likes me. I dunno what abt me attracts him. i was feeling so confused. Subsequently, i cried myself to sleep.

I woke up early the next day and prepared for work. Was supposed to be working for Creative tat day. 1st day of the IT Show 2005. But when i reached Suntec City. I was feeling really SICK coz drank too much the nite before. i decided to cancel work and go home to rest instead.

On the bus ride home, i sms-ed him, asking him abt the qns on whether we're together. I dunno the answer, so i asked him whether he wants us to be. he said he dun understand why we're so close if we're not together. I replied saying, not tat i dun want, juz tat i got no confidence. He din reply. After the day passed, i asked him whether he's offended by wat i said or angry at me. He said he dun wanna force me if i dun wanna be together with him. i spent my whole day juz pondering on tat qns.

i remember sending him this quote - No one feels another's grief, no one understands another's joy. People imagine they can reach one another. In reality, they only pass each other by... - and asking him whether he'll be juz another passerby. He replied, he dun wanna be juz another passerby.

Then i decided i wanna be with this guy. I wanna be serious. And i told him so. At tat point of time, i've decided to give up all other guys attention. i was ready to give all the other guys' attn for his... ALONE... I wanna commit and try make this relationship work out. coz i know i'm a failure in relationships.

The next day, on 11th Mar, i was supposed to meet my primary school fren for ChinaBlack after work. Thru our msgs, i sensed tat he dun want me to go. Becoz i was tired, and becoz i feel like seeing him, i decided to cancel ChinaBlack. I told him i'm not gng afterall. He asked me, wat i'm doing then? I said nothing and i was hoping to meet him. He appeared happy and said he'll meet me. I was feeling really happy too... 1st time in a long time, i feel a little precious in someone's life.

After i reached home from work, i showered and prepare to meet him. He came to fetch me again. We dunno where to go. After joking away for a while in his car, i said, nowhere to go, then go home lor. Then he replied, ok lor, go home lor. Then he drove off with me in his car of coz... i was surprised, and laughed. I said, thot say go home? you juz left my place wor~ he replied, since i promised to be with him tat nite, we gotta go home together. And so, i went to his house...

I was scare when i reached his place. Coz i dun wanna see any of his family member yet. it's juz weird. tat nite, it's the 1st time i stayed over at his place... i felt blissful and peaceful. We watched TV for a while. After which, we laid in each other's arms and talked. He has quite a big build. Being petite myself, he juz enveloped me with his arms ard me, giving me a bear hug... I put my head on his shoulder, resting my cheek on his chest. We juz fit together so closely. I felt really safe in his arms.

i felt really comfortable... tat nite, we were all over each other. We fall asleep in each other's arms. i din sleep much tat nite coz i was not used to staying over at a guy's place. Been a long time since i do tat. But i get to watch him sleep. His hug when he sleep is tight. Like he dun wanna let me leave, even in his sleep. Feels good...

The last person i see before i sleep is him, and the 1st person i see in the morning is him... The cheekiness of him when he wake up and disturb me. it's juz sexy. The morning kiss he gave me after he came back from the shower. it's juz sweet. The hug we shared before he goes off to work, it's juz pure bliss.

That was the moment. I fell for him...


Fallen
by Lauren Wood

I can't believe it,
you're a dream comin' true.
I can't believe how
I have fallen for you.

And I was not looking,
was content to remain.
And it's ironic
to be back in the game.

You are the one
who's led me to the sun.
How could I know
that I was lost without you...

And I want to tell you,
you control my brain..
And you should know
that you are life in my veins.

You are the one
who's led me to the sun.
How could I know that
I was lost without you...

I can't believe it,
you're a dream comin' true.
I can't believe how
I have fallen for you.

And I was not looking,
was content to remain.
And it's erotic
to be back in the game.


=- TO BE CONTINUED -=